Via Iconoculture:
"Japan-based Hime & Company gives its female employees under 24-years-old up to three days of “heartache leave” so they can take time to heal from a broken heart (Reuters.com 1.28.08)."
Is this brilliant? Or the dumbest thing ever? Why only three days? Why don't male employees get the same thing, when we all know that guys can easily be just as distraught over matters of the heart?
I actually think this is a publicity stunt to get buzz for Hime and Co., which (according to the Google translation of its website) is a "marketing company that provides products and services targeted to women (items Planning - Promotional PR)". Looks like they're brilliant at what they do.
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
"Funniestest" is totally a word! Proof: I just used it.
Funny: The Nietzsche Family Circus
Funnier: Strindberg + helium
Funniest: garfield minus garfield
Funniester: XKCD
Funniestest: Hark! A Vagrant
Happy Maple Syrup Day! WHOO.
Funnier: Strindberg + helium
Funniest: garfield minus garfield
Funniester: XKCD
Funniestest: Hark! A Vagrant
Happy Maple Syrup Day! WHOO.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
29 + 1
A certain somebody has said that my blog would gain coolness points if I allowed anonymous comments. So, I am handing over the keys of the asylum to the inmates: you no longer have to be a registered Blogger user to comment on my inanities. Have at it.
Also, for those of you who like snooping into my blog-reading habits, I now keep an automatic, continuously updated list on this site of article links which I recommend. This will hopefully cut into my rather tedious linkyloos, which, let's face it, I only do in order to clear out my brain so that I don't go insane from all the unshared coolness I constantly find in this world. If I'm going to go insane, let's hope it's for a far more entertaining reason. Like, say, demonic possession. I've seen The Exorcist, and you know, I think my life could use a little excitement along those lines. "What's wrong with vomiting a little pea soup here and there?" is what I frequently say to people.
Moving right along, I am now thirty years old. I had hoped I'd magically wake up feeling like an adult, but that has yet to happen. I've started flossing again, actually, but that's more because I'm back in touch with my zany ol' college pal Jimmy, who has now become Dr. James Boynton, adjunct professor of pediatric dentistry at the University of Michigan, and even if a dentist makes a point of NOT telling me to floss, the unspoken guilt trip is still there and I start flossing again anyway. Regarding Jimmy: we're talking about a dentist who, in our freshman year at Michigan, told me that he wanted a dental drill which would hum the theme to "Love Boat," which would make folks that much happier about visiting their dentist (ideally Jimmy). So, if anybody out there has any leads regarding drills which can play "Love Boat," let me know. There's already a Japanese guy who figured out how to make road bumps play music, which might be a potential avenue (hee!) of inquiry.
Other than the flossing and lack of demonic possession, there's not much else to report on The Astrid Frontier currently. I threw a slow-motion party, which I call 'slow motion' because it was more of an open house stretched across a whole day, which was very chill and very cool. And I've had turkey with my mom's homemade stuffing, along with that excellent cranberry sauce which retains the ridges from the can it came in. And I got to see the inside of the Yale Club in Manhattan for the second time in my life, and you know, I still say they don't have nearly enough mounted elk heads on their walls yet. There are a few, but they still have a ways to go, those Yalies.
OH, WAIT A SEC: I made a new website! I've been stricken with the flu for the past few days, which is why I haven't been up to much, but just before the flu hit, and just before I got to see how few elk heads those silly Yale people have in their silly, not-nearly-elk-headed-enough club, I made a website! This is the website I made:
What the doctor saw
I am very proud of this site, but not because of my own work -- really, it's because I'm proud of my dad's work, since my dad is the doctor in question. The site is a showcase of his photography, and even if he weren't my dad, I'd still have to say: he gives a very convincing impression of knowing what he's doing. Go check it out, then e-mail him and tell him how awesome he is. Don't tell him I sent you, or he'll think I bribed you.
Here are some phrases I've been using entirely too often:
loose cannon
madness & mayhem
29 + 1
Here is a word I haven't used often enough:
blurgh
What I consider an elegant centerpiece idea:
A ring of blue Jell-O, with gummy fish suspended within it
Who else agrees with me about the Jell-O centerpiece idea:
Jimmy
My current favorite literary heroine, second only to Jane Eyre:
Dagny Taggart (from Atlas Shrugged, which I'm currently reading)
Here is what I don't get about Atlas Shrugged:
Why is everybody always kissing each other so violently? Once or twice, okay, but every time? Weirdos.
Something which just popped into my head:
What if you had a wall which was jammed full of mounted elk heads? I mean, to the point where you couldn't even see the wall any more, so it's just a solid mass of elk heads staring at you? And what if each of those heads suddenly burst into song, doing a full choir rendition of "I Feel Pretty" from the film West Side Story?
Welcome to my brain, everyone. The information desk is temporarily closed, the cafeteria downstairs is currently serving an excellent pea soup, and don't forget to visit the gift shop at the main entrance. Tipping the coat check guy is optional, but always appreciated.
Also, for those of you who like snooping into my blog-reading habits, I now keep an automatic, continuously updated list on this site of article links which I recommend. This will hopefully cut into my rather tedious linkyloos, which, let's face it, I only do in order to clear out my brain so that I don't go insane from all the unshared coolness I constantly find in this world. If I'm going to go insane, let's hope it's for a far more entertaining reason. Like, say, demonic possession. I've seen The Exorcist, and you know, I think my life could use a little excitement along those lines. "What's wrong with vomiting a little pea soup here and there?" is what I frequently say to people.
Moving right along, I am now thirty years old. I had hoped I'd magically wake up feeling like an adult, but that has yet to happen. I've started flossing again, actually, but that's more because I'm back in touch with my zany ol' college pal Jimmy, who has now become Dr. James Boynton, adjunct professor of pediatric dentistry at the University of Michigan, and even if a dentist makes a point of NOT telling me to floss, the unspoken guilt trip is still there and I start flossing again anyway. Regarding Jimmy: we're talking about a dentist who, in our freshman year at Michigan, told me that he wanted a dental drill which would hum the theme to "Love Boat," which would make folks that much happier about visiting their dentist (ideally Jimmy). So, if anybody out there has any leads regarding drills which can play "Love Boat," let me know. There's already a Japanese guy who figured out how to make road bumps play music, which might be a potential avenue (hee!) of inquiry.
Other than the flossing and lack of demonic possession, there's not much else to report on The Astrid Frontier currently. I threw a slow-motion party, which I call 'slow motion' because it was more of an open house stretched across a whole day, which was very chill and very cool. And I've had turkey with my mom's homemade stuffing, along with that excellent cranberry sauce which retains the ridges from the can it came in. And I got to see the inside of the Yale Club in Manhattan for the second time in my life, and you know, I still say they don't have nearly enough mounted elk heads on their walls yet. There are a few, but they still have a ways to go, those Yalies.
OH, WAIT A SEC: I made a new website! I've been stricken with the flu for the past few days, which is why I haven't been up to much, but just before the flu hit, and just before I got to see how few elk heads those silly Yale people have in their silly, not-nearly-elk-headed-enough club, I made a website! This is the website I made:
What the doctor saw
I am very proud of this site, but not because of my own work -- really, it's because I'm proud of my dad's work, since my dad is the doctor in question. The site is a showcase of his photography, and even if he weren't my dad, I'd still have to say: he gives a very convincing impression of knowing what he's doing. Go check it out, then e-mail him and tell him how awesome he is. Don't tell him I sent you, or he'll think I bribed you.
Here are some phrases I've been using entirely too often:
loose cannon
madness & mayhem
29 + 1
Here is a word I haven't used often enough:
blurgh
What I consider an elegant centerpiece idea:
A ring of blue Jell-O, with gummy fish suspended within it
Who else agrees with me about the Jell-O centerpiece idea:
Jimmy
My current favorite literary heroine, second only to Jane Eyre:
Dagny Taggart (from Atlas Shrugged, which I'm currently reading)
Here is what I don't get about Atlas Shrugged:
Why is everybody always kissing each other so violently? Once or twice, okay, but every time? Weirdos.
Something which just popped into my head:
What if you had a wall which was jammed full of mounted elk heads? I mean, to the point where you couldn't even see the wall any more, so it's just a solid mass of elk heads staring at you? And what if each of those heads suddenly burst into song, doing a full choir rendition of "I Feel Pretty" from the film West Side Story?
Welcome to my brain, everyone. The information desk is temporarily closed, the cafeteria downstairs is currently serving an excellent pea soup, and don't forget to visit the gift shop at the main entrance. Tipping the coat check guy is optional, but always appreciated.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Monday linkyloo
Happy first of October! Back when I lived in Chatham, NJ, I had a math teacher in seventh grade named Mrs. Licato who made a pretty big impression on me. Amongst other pearls of wisdom, she told us that on the morning of every first of the month, we should chant "Bunny bunny, bunny bunny, bunny bunny," and then make a wish, all before getting out of bed or speaking to another person. Then the wish would presumably come true. I did this for years, which just goes to show how desperate I was for the world to be that easily magical. And, by the end of every month, my wish would entirely fail to be realized. Darn that Mrs. Licato!
She was a terrific math teacher, though.
The Daily Journal: Car wreck saves choking driver's life Crazygreat.
The New York Sun: Students Know Less After 4 College Years Sadly, this doesn't surprise me in the least. I think it probably applies to me, too.
Slate.com: Alan Greenspan discovers that human beings are...irrational! To quote Greenspan: "[T]he human race, no matter how one defines it, is not smart enough to do better." Most interesting, and again, hardly surprising.
International Herald Tribune: In the shadow of horror, SS guardians frolic A sizable chunk of my family perished in the camps, and the ability of the SS to compartmentalize their jobs in their lives like this is something I've discussed with my parents quite a bit. Most interesting.
The New Yorker: Cool for School Former members of Blue Man Group have started their own nursery school, and it. totally. rocks.
She was a terrific math teacher, though.
The Daily Journal: Car wreck saves choking driver's life Crazygreat.
The New York Sun: Students Know Less After 4 College Years Sadly, this doesn't surprise me in the least. I think it probably applies to me, too.
Slate.com: Alan Greenspan discovers that human beings are...irrational! To quote Greenspan: "[T]he human race, no matter how one defines it, is not smart enough to do better." Most interesting, and again, hardly surprising.
International Herald Tribune: In the shadow of horror, SS guardians frolic A sizable chunk of my family perished in the camps, and the ability of the SS to compartmentalize their jobs in their lives like this is something I've discussed with my parents quite a bit. Most interesting.
The New Yorker: Cool for School Former members of Blue Man Group have started their own nursery school, and it. totally. rocks.
Monday, September 17, 2007
a few words about Drina, with a brief mention of goats
Before we discuss anything about Victorian architecture, we need to review Queen Victoria herself. According to Wikipedia:
Full name: Alexandrina Victoria
Nickname within the family: Drina
Nickname outside the family: the grandmother of Europe
Which is: not as catchy
Born: May 24, 1819
Died: January 22, 1901
Of a: cerebral hemorrhage
She disliked: black funerals
So for her funeral, London was draped in: purple and white
Lost her father to pneumonia: eight months after she was born
Lost her grandfather (George III): six days later
Crown went to: her uncle George, then (when Drina was 11) her uncle William
William's number of kids: 10
All: illegitimate
Because: he got them by messing around with the actress Dorothy Jordan
Drina's heritage: almost entirely German
Husband: Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha
His relationship to Drina: first cousin
This: freaks me out a fair amount
They got hitched: February, 10 1840
Number of kids: 9
Named: Victoria, Edward, Alice, Alfred, Helena, Louise, Arthur, Leopold, Beatrice
Drina outlived: 3 of them
As of September 2007, surviving great-grandchildren of Drina: 2
Names: Carl (a count in Sweden), Katherine
Queen of: the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland
Became queen: a month after she turned 18
First ever: Empress of India
Which made her equal to: the Russian Tsar
Reign over British Empire lasted: 63 years and seven months
Which is: "longer than that of any other British monarch"
And included: the Industrial Revolution
With emphases on: morality, family values, giving more power to the House of Commons, and making the monarch more of a symbolic figure
Carrier of haemophilia in the royal line: first
May have been a result of: a sperm mutation
Age of her dad at her conception: 52
Drina and all female-line descendants are members of: mitochondrial haplogroup H.s
Attempted physical attacks on Drina: 6
Assassins/pranksters who committed/attempted the above: Edward Oxford (18 yrs. old), John Francis, John William Bean, William Hamilton, Robert Pate, anonymous folks who cooked up the Jubilee Plot
When you've been queen for 50 years, your celebration is called: Golden Jubilee
When you've been queen for 60 years, your celebration is called: Diamond Jubilee
Style
Introduction of Christmas trees to the Drina's court by: Prince Albert
After Albert died, Drina "ordered that his clothes be laid afresh on his bed in his suite at Windsor Castle": every day
For: 40 years
Drina had a parasol which was: armored
Which weighed more than: 3 pounds
And probably: was never used
Random bits o' knowledge
"[T]hree of the main monarchs with countries involved in the First World War on the opposing side were themselves either grandchildren of Victoria's or married to a grandchild of hers. Eight of Victoria's nine children married members of European royal families, and the other, Princess Louise, was married to the Marquis of Lorne, a future Governor-General of Canada."
"As of 2007, the European monarchs and former monarchs descended from Victoria are: the Queen of the United Kingdom (as well as her husband), the King of Norway, the King of Sweden, the Queen of Denmark, the King of Spain, the former King of the Hellenes and the former King of Romania (deposed)."
"[I]n the town of Cape Coast, Ghana, a bust of the Queen presides, rather forlornly, over a small park where goats graze around her."
Full name: Alexandrina Victoria
Nickname within the family: Drina
Nickname outside the family: the grandmother of Europe
Which is: not as catchy
Born: May 24, 1819
Died: January 22, 1901
Of a: cerebral hemorrhage
She disliked: black funerals
So for her funeral, London was draped in: purple and white
Lost her father to pneumonia: eight months after she was born
Lost her grandfather (George III): six days later
Crown went to: her uncle George, then (when Drina was 11) her uncle William
William's number of kids: 10
All: illegitimate
Because: he got them by messing around with the actress Dorothy Jordan
Drina's heritage: almost entirely German
Husband: Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha
His relationship to Drina: first cousin
This: freaks me out a fair amount
They got hitched: February, 10 1840
Number of kids: 9
Named: Victoria, Edward, Alice, Alfred, Helena, Louise, Arthur, Leopold, Beatrice
Drina outlived: 3 of them
As of September 2007, surviving great-grandchildren of Drina: 2
Names: Carl (a count in Sweden), Katherine
Queen of: the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland
Became queen: a month after she turned 18
First ever: Empress of India
Which made her equal to: the Russian Tsar
Reign over British Empire lasted: 63 years and seven months
Which is: "longer than that of any other British monarch"
And included: the Industrial Revolution
With emphases on: morality, family values, giving more power to the House of Commons, and making the monarch more of a symbolic figure
Carrier of haemophilia in the royal line: first
May have been a result of: a sperm mutation
Age of her dad at her conception: 52
Drina and all female-line descendants are members of: mitochondrial haplogroup H.s
Attempted physical attacks on Drina: 6
Assassins/pranksters who committed/attempted the above: Edward Oxford (18 yrs. old), John Francis, John William Bean, William Hamilton, Robert Pate, anonymous folks who cooked up the Jubilee Plot
When you've been queen for 50 years, your celebration is called: Golden Jubilee
When you've been queen for 60 years, your celebration is called: Diamond Jubilee
Style
Introduction of Christmas trees to the Drina's court by: Prince Albert
After Albert died, Drina "ordered that his clothes be laid afresh on his bed in his suite at Windsor Castle": every day
For: 40 years
Drina had a parasol which was: armored
Which weighed more than: 3 pounds
And probably: was never used
Random bits o' knowledge
"[T]hree of the main monarchs with countries involved in the First World War on the opposing side were themselves either grandchildren of Victoria's or married to a grandchild of hers. Eight of Victoria's nine children married members of European royal families, and the other, Princess Louise, was married to the Marquis of Lorne, a future Governor-General of Canada."
"As of 2007, the European monarchs and former monarchs descended from Victoria are: the Queen of the United Kingdom (as well as her husband), the King of Norway, the King of Sweden, the Queen of Denmark, the King of Spain, the former King of the Hellenes and the former King of Romania (deposed)."
"[I]n the town of Cape Coast, Ghana, a bust of the Queen presides, rather forlornly, over a small park where goats graze around her."
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Sunday smorgasbord
Okay, now that I've cleaned out my months-collected links, I've now decided to do (kinda) weekly links. Here they are, in all their maddening and splendid glory:
No. 1 Link of the Week:
Hipster Olympics
tied with the other No. 1 link of the week:
Table 70, which is my pal Matt's bimonthly music 'podiocast'. I'm currently listening to the entry "1993 Was a Good Year," and indeed, by the sound of things, it really was. Hooray for TLC, is what I'm sayin'.
Unreal Pencil Carvings
Richard Sweeney has stupidcrazy art talents. He seems to be the M. C. Escher of our generation.
Cardboard Cop Slows Speedsters -- sneaky, but a great idea.
Angel Ceballos is so inspiring to me, it hurts. The following are some of my favorite works of hers, from her Flickr photoset:
Magdalene Veen
another Magdalene Veen
Samantha Klapp
Karen and Nate
Magdalene Veen once more
This is hilarious, and I'm also slightly embarrassed to admit this makes my mouth water:
Minnesota State Fair on a Stick
Such a nifty thing:
Book of Ingenious Devices, published 850 CE
The Automata of Rhodes
According to Pindar, one of the nine lyric poets of ancient Greece, the isle of Rhodes was known for its displays of mechanical engineering, particularly automata, which apparently were a specialty of the Rhodians. Pindar said this in his seventh Olympic Ode:
"The animated figures stand
Adorning every public street
And seem to breathe in stone, or
move their marble feet."
Trippy, huh?
Because I lovelovelove the site Do What Now?:
We are zee Five Kabobeteers, no?
and
Leave the grilling to the high-waisted men, Timmy
Via Indexed:
I hated gym.
Senju Kannon
From the site: "A once-in-a-year event in Japan. 24 hours of TV, a lot of artists, a lot of events, and the funds are all for charity and the disabled. This is the show of the 'Senju Kannon': The 1000-hands goddess of Mercy."
Newsweek: China Regulates Buddhist Reincarnation: um, what?
Great Shadow Puppetry via Metacafe
"Garbage Masters" Amazing Trick Shots -- very definitely amazing.
Garbage - Androgyny: such a fun video! I'm a big fan of the concept of androgyny myself -- I was sporting neckties WELL before Avril whatserface was doing her thing, that lousy poseur. Grr.
Mouse In My Pants! via LP Cover Lover
This is just so wrong for just so many reasons.
Disgustingly Rich! via LP Cover Lover
Gotta love the mink-lined bathtub.
And just when you thought the mink madness couldn't possibly get any worse:
de l'amour et de l'argent via LP Cover Lover
O dear god no, Uggs and Crocs have mated and spawned a hybrid! NOOOOOOOOO....
Cruggs? via Boing Boing
Tunnel via the random collections
tumbleweed -- wait a sec, tumbleweed ISN'T native to the U.S.? Huh.
Because I am a bit of a typography dork:
i love typography
And finally, because xkcd (Randall Munroe) is a mad genius:
Interesting Life
Whew. Back to unpacking.
No. 1 Link of the Week:
Hipster Olympics
tied with the other No. 1 link of the week:
Table 70, which is my pal Matt's bimonthly music 'podiocast'. I'm currently listening to the entry "1993 Was a Good Year," and indeed, by the sound of things, it really was. Hooray for TLC, is what I'm sayin'.
Unreal Pencil Carvings
Richard Sweeney has stupidcrazy art talents. He seems to be the M. C. Escher of our generation.
Cardboard Cop Slows Speedsters -- sneaky, but a great idea.
Angel Ceballos is so inspiring to me, it hurts. The following are some of my favorite works of hers, from her Flickr photoset:
Magdalene Veen
another Magdalene Veen
Samantha Klapp
Karen and Nate
Magdalene Veen once more
This is hilarious, and I'm also slightly embarrassed to admit this makes my mouth water:
Minnesota State Fair on a Stick
Such a nifty thing:
Book of Ingenious Devices, published 850 CE
The Automata of Rhodes
According to Pindar, one of the nine lyric poets of ancient Greece, the isle of Rhodes was known for its displays of mechanical engineering, particularly automata, which apparently were a specialty of the Rhodians. Pindar said this in his seventh Olympic Ode:
"The animated figures stand
Adorning every public street
And seem to breathe in stone, or
move their marble feet."
Trippy, huh?
Because I lovelovelove the site Do What Now?:
We are zee Five Kabobeteers, no?
and
Leave the grilling to the high-waisted men, Timmy
Via Indexed:
I hated gym.
Senju Kannon
From the site: "A once-in-a-year event in Japan. 24 hours of TV, a lot of artists, a lot of events, and the funds are all for charity and the disabled. This is the show of the 'Senju Kannon': The 1000-hands goddess of Mercy."
Newsweek: China Regulates Buddhist Reincarnation: um, what?
Great Shadow Puppetry via Metacafe
"Garbage Masters" Amazing Trick Shots -- very definitely amazing.
Garbage - Androgyny: such a fun video! I'm a big fan of the concept of androgyny myself -- I was sporting neckties WELL before Avril whatserface was doing her thing, that lousy poseur. Grr.
Mouse In My Pants! via LP Cover Lover
This is just so wrong for just so many reasons.
Disgustingly Rich! via LP Cover Lover
Gotta love the mink-lined bathtub.
And just when you thought the mink madness couldn't possibly get any worse:
de l'amour et de l'argent via LP Cover Lover
O dear god no, Uggs and Crocs have mated and spawned a hybrid! NOOOOOOOOO....
Cruggs? via Boing Boing
Tunnel via the random collections
tumbleweed -- wait a sec, tumbleweed ISN'T native to the U.S.? Huh.
Because I am a bit of a typography dork:
i love typography
And finally, because xkcd (Randall Munroe) is a mad genius:
Interesting Life
Whew. Back to unpacking.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
[Not Miranda] July!
Thank goodness for Fritz Kahn and the British Library Online, whoo! I love body-as-machine art, especially if there are mini-people scurrying about in the lungs, brains, pancreas, &c.
So, it's July! Good gravy, I can't believe my life is passing me by this quickly; it's time I dust off the ol' existential machete and hack a new path or twenty through what's remaining of my future -- assuming I don't get hit by a bus this week, of course, which would suck. In a recent lighting class I conducted, I went over Lighting Safety and concluded with the phrase "Whatever you do, don't die." Ever since then, the students have repeatedly used the phrase "Don't die!" at amusingly inopportune moments, but I'd like to think they've taken the message to heart and have decided to Just Say No to Drugs and so forth. A teacher can hope, I suppose.
But! I really meant to discuss July. Here goes:
Air-Conditioning Appreciation Days (7/3 to 8/15): living in LA, I appreciate A/C most of the time already
Cell Phone Courtesy Month: but I LIKE discussing my gynecological issues over the phone while standing in crowded elevators! Gee whiz.
Hemochromatosis Screening Awareness Month: if you have a ton of iron in your diet, take this one seriously
International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month: but EVERY month is Blondie/Deborah Harry Month! Anyone who says otherwise has a heart of glass.
Learn Arabic Month: your first vocab word is "wasta."
National Black Family Month: which black family is it this year?
National Home Inspector Appreciation Month: er, why?
National Horseradish Month: whoo!
National Purposeful Parenting Month: I'd prefer being a Purposeless Parent, personally.
National Wheelchair Beautification Month: but you'll have to get a wheelchair first. Whatever you do, try not to die.
Skyscraper Month: van der Rohe! van der Rohe! I can't believe (actually, I can) that he changed his last name to "van der Rohe" in order to fake an aristocratic air. Jerkoff. If you want a fun, fast-paced, witty, kill-the-sacred-cow read, I STRONGLY recommend Tom Wolfe's From Bauhaus to Our House. He apparently detests modern architecture as much as I do, and this book gave me lots of thrilling ammunition.
National Unassisted Homebirth Week: 1-7 -- SO not a good idea! Yurgh.
Be Nice To New Jersey Week: 1-7 -- yeah!
Nude Recreation Weekend: 9-15 -- most people look terrible in the nude. Not a good idea.
Sports Cliché Week: 15-21 -- so I can't get to third base this week? Dang.
Single Working Woman's Week: 7/29-8/4 -- EVERY week is &c.
Canada Day: 1 -- O, Canada, we love your maple syrup so.
Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day: 6 -- yeah! And my dad will actually be in town to do this!
Cherry Pit Spitting Day: 7 -- sounds like a good idea to me. Spronging pits from my nostrils gave me a massive headache last time.
Chocolate Day: 7 -- EVERY day &c.
National Personal Chef's Day: 7 -- do we each get a personal chef on this day? Or do personal chefs get this day off? Huh.
International Town Criers Day: 9 -- because my local town crier could sure use a day off.
Clerihew Day: 10 -- Look it up. I took a stab:
Astrid Jessica Phillips
Is incapable of backflips.
She can't do anything athletic with ease,
So she's chosen instead to shoot movies.
AM I AWESOME OR WHAT.
Don't Step On A Bee Day: 10 -- good idea.
Bowdler's Day: 11 -- PIGF*CKER.
Embrace Your Geekness Day: 13 -- EVERY day &c.
Gruntled Workers Day: 13 -- okay.
Young Feminist Day: 13-15 -- EVERY &c.
Be A Dork Day: 15 -- EVERY &c.
Gummi Worm Day: 15 -- EVERY...jeez, this is getting repetitive.
National Ice Cream Day: 15 -- EDINICD (Every Day is National Ice Cream Day -- we'll do acronyms now.)
National Lollipop Day: 20 -- EDINLD.
Gorgeous Grandma Day: 23 -- ugly grandmas be darned.
Health, Happiness With Hypnosis Day: 24 -- because health and happiness WITHOUT hypnosis would be a massive waste of time.
National Drive-Thru Day: 24 -- Let's overwhelm In 'N' Out Burger!
Tell An Old Joke Day: 24 -- okey dokey pokey. "When is a door not a door?" "When it's a jar!" Whoo!
Garlic Day: 27 -- EDIGD.
Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day: 27 -- uh. Okay.
Walk on Stilts Day: 27 -- WHILE HOLDING THE HOUSEPLANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, BLOOD?
System Administrator Appreciation Day: 27 -- EDISAAD.
National Cowboy Day: 28 -- EDINCD.
National Milk Chocolate Day: 28 -- EDINMCD.
My work here is done. Go forth and July the hell out of yourself, which means: Don't die. This includes fireworks safety, tedious but true. I like my friends with as many fingers intact as possible.
So, it's July! Good gravy, I can't believe my life is passing me by this quickly; it's time I dust off the ol' existential machete and hack a new path or twenty through what's remaining of my future -- assuming I don't get hit by a bus this week, of course, which would suck. In a recent lighting class I conducted, I went over Lighting Safety and concluded with the phrase "Whatever you do, don't die." Ever since then, the students have repeatedly used the phrase "Don't die!" at amusingly inopportune moments, but I'd like to think they've taken the message to heart and have decided to Just Say No to Drugs and so forth. A teacher can hope, I suppose.
But! I really meant to discuss July. Here goes:
Air-Conditioning Appreciation Days (7/3 to 8/15): living in LA, I appreciate A/C most of the time already
Cell Phone Courtesy Month: but I LIKE discussing my gynecological issues over the phone while standing in crowded elevators! Gee whiz.
Hemochromatosis Screening Awareness Month: if you have a ton of iron in your diet, take this one seriously
International Blondie and Deborah Harry Month: but EVERY month is Blondie/Deborah Harry Month! Anyone who says otherwise has a heart of glass.
Learn Arabic Month: your first vocab word is "wasta."
National Black Family Month: which black family is it this year?
National Home Inspector Appreciation Month: er, why?
National Horseradish Month: whoo!
National Purposeful Parenting Month: I'd prefer being a Purposeless Parent, personally.
National Wheelchair Beautification Month: but you'll have to get a wheelchair first. Whatever you do, try not to die.
Skyscraper Month: van der Rohe! van der Rohe! I can't believe (actually, I can) that he changed his last name to "van der Rohe" in order to fake an aristocratic air. Jerkoff. If you want a fun, fast-paced, witty, kill-the-sacred-cow read, I STRONGLY recommend Tom Wolfe's From Bauhaus to Our House. He apparently detests modern architecture as much as I do, and this book gave me lots of thrilling ammunition.
National Unassisted Homebirth Week: 1-7 -- SO not a good idea! Yurgh.
Be Nice To New Jersey Week: 1-7 -- yeah!
Nude Recreation Weekend: 9-15 -- most people look terrible in the nude. Not a good idea.
Sports Cliché Week: 15-21 -- so I can't get to third base this week? Dang.
Single Working Woman's Week: 7/29-8/4 -- EVERY week is &c.
Canada Day: 1 -- O, Canada, we love your maple syrup so.
Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day: 6 -- yeah! And my dad will actually be in town to do this!
Cherry Pit Spitting Day: 7 -- sounds like a good idea to me. Spronging pits from my nostrils gave me a massive headache last time.
Chocolate Day: 7 -- EVERY day &c.
National Personal Chef's Day: 7 -- do we each get a personal chef on this day? Or do personal chefs get this day off? Huh.
International Town Criers Day: 9 -- because my local town crier could sure use a day off.
Clerihew Day: 10 -- Look it up. I took a stab:
Astrid Jessica Phillips
Is incapable of backflips.
She can't do anything athletic with ease,
So she's chosen instead to shoot movies.
AM I AWESOME OR WHAT.
Don't Step On A Bee Day: 10 -- good idea.
Bowdler's Day: 11 -- PIGF*CKER.
Embrace Your Geekness Day: 13 -- EVERY day &c.
Gruntled Workers Day: 13 -- okay.
Young Feminist Day: 13-15 -- EVERY &c.
Be A Dork Day: 15 -- EVERY &c.
Gummi Worm Day: 15 -- EVERY...jeez, this is getting repetitive.
National Ice Cream Day: 15 -- EDINICD (Every Day is National Ice Cream Day -- we'll do acronyms now.)
National Lollipop Day: 20 -- EDINLD.
Gorgeous Grandma Day: 23 -- ugly grandmas be darned.
Health, Happiness With Hypnosis Day: 24 -- because health and happiness WITHOUT hypnosis would be a massive waste of time.
National Drive-Thru Day: 24 -- Let's overwhelm In 'N' Out Burger!
Tell An Old Joke Day: 24 -- okey dokey pokey. "When is a door not a door?" "When it's a jar!" Whoo!
Garlic Day: 27 -- EDIGD.
Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day: 27 -- uh. Okay.
Walk on Stilts Day: 27 -- WHILE HOLDING THE HOUSEPLANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, BLOOD?
System Administrator Appreciation Day: 27 -- EDISAAD.
National Cowboy Day: 28 -- EDINCD.
National Milk Chocolate Day: 28 -- EDINMCD.
My work here is done. Go forth and July the hell out of yourself, which means: Don't die. This includes fireworks safety, tedious but true. I like my friends with as many fingers intact as possible.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
as we draw to a close
Did you know that June is International Accordion Awareness Month, Turkey Lovers Month, Learn French Month, National Aphasia Awareness Month, National Candy Month, National Ice Tea Month, Pharmacists Declare War on Alcoholism Month, and Potty Training Awareness Month? Here's what throws me:
1. Everyone, everywhere, is aware of accordions. They might not be happy with this awareness, but it is the cross we all bear.
2. Loving turkeys is illegal in many states, so why should turkey lovers get their own month?
3. Isn't it insensitive to expect people to learn French AND be aware of aphasia? It's like, "Hey, aphasia sufferers! We can learn French and YOU CAN'T! Ha ha!" I think this is just terrible.
4. I thought every month is already National Candy Month.
5. Ditto for ice [sic] tea.
6. How do pharmacists declare war on alcoholism, exactly? Are swords involved?
7. I'm pretty sure that everyone, everywhere, is aware of potty training. Not everyone may have a potty, mind you, but I'm sure the awareness is still there.
June gets even weirder, though; we have National Headache Awareness Week (3-8), National Business Etiquette Week (4-10), Telemarketing Awareness Week (4-10), Superman Week (7-10), Youth Cowboy Poetry Week (8-11), Fiddlers Week (18-23), Appreciate Your Plumbing, Heating & Cooling Professionals Week (24-30), and Carpenter Ant Awareness Week (24-30). We're all definitely aware of headaches, telemarketing, and carpenter ants, and frankly I know we'd all be better off without this kind of awareness.
Also, isn't "business etiquette" an oxymoron? I thought good business involved taking you to a collection agency for non-payment on a product you never purchased in the first place.
And I don't understand why Superman, youth cowboy poetry, and fiddlers all need their own special week, when I'm sure we all love them EVERY week. I know I do. I especially appreciate my plumbing, heating, and cooling professionals every week, oftentimes with flowers and sexual favors, although not necessarily in that order.
The following days confuse the bejeezus out of me, either because I hate them and see no reason to observe them at all, or because I love them so much I already observe them every day:
Yell "Fudge" at the Cobras in North America Day (June 2): love
Doughnut Day (3): love
Apple Computer Day (4): love/hate
Banana Split Day (8-9): love
Croquet Day (9): love
Vinegar Day (16): love
Garfield the Cat Day (19): hate
World Sauntering Day (19): love
Vegan World Day (21): hate. haaaaaaaaaaaate. hatehatehate.
Stupid Guy Thing Day (22): love/hate
Chicken Wings Day (29): love, especially Buffalo wings with bleu cheese and sticks of carrots and celery
And these confuse me entirely:
Stewarts Root Beer Day (17) -- why?
Please Take My Children To Work Day (25) -- no thanks, take your own damn children to work.
Hand Shake Day (28) -- I'd rather have my hands STOP shaking. I may need medication.
That is all.
1. Everyone, everywhere, is aware of accordions. They might not be happy with this awareness, but it is the cross we all bear.
2. Loving turkeys is illegal in many states, so why should turkey lovers get their own month?
3. Isn't it insensitive to expect people to learn French AND be aware of aphasia? It's like, "Hey, aphasia sufferers! We can learn French and YOU CAN'T! Ha ha!" I think this is just terrible.
4. I thought every month is already National Candy Month.
5. Ditto for ice [sic] tea.
6. How do pharmacists declare war on alcoholism, exactly? Are swords involved?
7. I'm pretty sure that everyone, everywhere, is aware of potty training. Not everyone may have a potty, mind you, but I'm sure the awareness is still there.
June gets even weirder, though; we have National Headache Awareness Week (3-8), National Business Etiquette Week (4-10), Telemarketing Awareness Week (4-10), Superman Week (7-10), Youth Cowboy Poetry Week (8-11), Fiddlers Week (18-23), Appreciate Your Plumbing, Heating & Cooling Professionals Week (24-30), and Carpenter Ant Awareness Week (24-30). We're all definitely aware of headaches, telemarketing, and carpenter ants, and frankly I know we'd all be better off without this kind of awareness.
Also, isn't "business etiquette" an oxymoron? I thought good business involved taking you to a collection agency for non-payment on a product you never purchased in the first place.
And I don't understand why Superman, youth cowboy poetry, and fiddlers all need their own special week, when I'm sure we all love them EVERY week. I know I do. I especially appreciate my plumbing, heating, and cooling professionals every week, oftentimes with flowers and sexual favors, although not necessarily in that order.
The following days confuse the bejeezus out of me, either because I hate them and see no reason to observe them at all, or because I love them so much I already observe them every day:
Yell "Fudge" at the Cobras in North America Day (June 2): love
Doughnut Day (3): love
Apple Computer Day (4): love/hate
Banana Split Day (8-9): love
Croquet Day (9): love
Vinegar Day (16): love
Garfield the Cat Day (19): hate
World Sauntering Day (19): love
Vegan World Day (21): hate. haaaaaaaaaaaate. hatehatehate.
Stupid Guy Thing Day (22): love/hate
Chicken Wings Day (29): love, especially Buffalo wings with bleu cheese and sticks of carrots and celery
And these confuse me entirely:
Stewarts Root Beer Day (17) -- why?
Please Take My Children To Work Day (25) -- no thanks, take your own damn children to work.
Hand Shake Day (28) -- I'd rather have my hands STOP shaking. I may need medication.
That is all.
Wednesday, November 1, 2006
Must. Get. Fresh. Air.
Hooray, it's time for some more fabulous media randomness!
This is sheer genius, and I can't stop watching it over and over. It's really perfect. Except for the obvious CG and the fact that Marge is driving on the wrong side of the car, of course.
Real-Life-Simpsons-Intro by rajucheema
Pigs flying in Russia! Very atmospheric.
Song: "My Bathroom Is A Private Kind Of Place," written and composed eons ago for American Standard. Total hilarity.
Song: "Recruit, Train, and Motivate," by the Amway Singers. This was also done eons ago, but for Amway. Total creepiness, yet oddly catchy.
And last, but certainly not least....
Song: "Happy Living," by the Astro Age Steel Orchestra. Imagine a Japanese band performing a Christmas standard. On Carribean steel drums. Yeah. Pretty awesome.
This is sheer genius, and I can't stop watching it over and over. It's really perfect. Except for the obvious CG and the fact that Marge is driving on the wrong side of the car, of course.
Real-Life-Simpsons-Intro by rajucheema
Pigs flying in Russia! Very atmospheric.
Song: "My Bathroom Is A Private Kind Of Place," written and composed eons ago for American Standard. Total hilarity.
Song: "Recruit, Train, and Motivate," by the Amway Singers. This was also done eons ago, but for Amway. Total creepiness, yet oddly catchy.
And last, but certainly not least....
Song: "Happy Living," by the Astro Age Steel Orchestra. Imagine a Japanese band performing a Christmas standard. On Carribean steel drums. Yeah. Pretty awesome.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
I would like a muffin, and other pirate-related matters
For those of you who've been living in a cave up until now, the 19th is Talk Like A Pirate Day, and Wikipedia has a pretty comprehensive entry on this. In order to get into the proper spirit, one ought to familiarize one's self with the pirate lexicon:
Talk Like a Pirate Day - The Five A's (performed by the guys who actually invented Talk Like A Pirate Day)
Since no pirate-related holiday is complete without a theme song, here ya go:
Talk Like a Pirate Day - "I'm a Pirate" song (good, rousing chorus; best sung with a tankard of ale in your hand and three hundred of your closest friends)
And for no good reason, other than a few shining moments of pure, mindless entertainment (Arr! Pirates!):
Pirate Practice
The music for the above video is "The Worst Pirate Song" by Ceann.
And now for some depressing piracy news: voting for our nation's President on a Diebold machine is officially hackable idiocy. Arr! What a great way to pollute the memory of pirates everywhere! Diebold-hacking f---ers. If they exist, I will hunt them down, and kick them with my peg leg. Hard.
Talk Like a Pirate Day - The Five A's (performed by the guys who actually invented Talk Like A Pirate Day)
Since no pirate-related holiday is complete without a theme song, here ya go:
Talk Like a Pirate Day - "I'm a Pirate" song (good, rousing chorus; best sung with a tankard of ale in your hand and three hundred of your closest friends)
And for no good reason, other than a few shining moments of pure, mindless entertainment (Arr! Pirates!):
Pirate Practice
The music for the above video is "The Worst Pirate Song" by Ceann.
And now for some depressing piracy news: voting for our nation's President on a Diebold machine is officially hackable idiocy. Arr! What a great way to pollute the memory of pirates everywhere! Diebold-hacking f---ers. If they exist, I will hunt them down, and kick them with my peg leg. Hard.
Monday, August 7, 2006
wish it were a Sunday, 'cause that's my fun day
I saw the headline Uribe sworn in amid high security, and I read "Uribe" as "Oribe." This gave me a good half minute of head-scratching; why, I wondered, would the hairstylist Oribe require high security for anything? Everybody loves Oribe!
Anyway, in the spirit of enlightening all y'all (yes, yes, I know, I'm not Southern, therefore I have no business saying "y'all"; shuddup), here are some upcoming August dates which I strongly suggest we all observe. Each one is absolutely for real, at least according to these people:
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day: 7
Hurry up before this one's over! I'm not exactly sure what constitutes 'preposterous,' but Sephora might offer one a good lead.
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night: 8
Hells yeah! Self explanatory.
National Underwear Day: 9
Some of my best friends wear underwear. Now you can, too!
National Duran Duran Appreciation Day: 10
Need I say more? "UMF" is one of my absolute favorite tracks; it sounds hella funk nasty, but it also works for just plain ol' jumping around, which I like to do in creaky elevators. Okay, not really.
S'mores Day: 10
Every day should be S'mores Day!
Kool-Aid Day: 11-13
Kool-Aid's so special, it gets THREE days of fabulosity. Enjoy this one to the hilt, unless you're Jim Jones and live in Guyana. I'll be drinking the blue flavor out of a Windex bottle and freaking everyone out.
Eleanor Roosevelt Day: 12
WHOO!
Vinyl Record Day: 12
Does anyone have a record player which can play my swingin' big band 78s? This is a serious question.
National Navajo Code Talkers Day: 14
Better than Pig Latin for hiding secrets from the kids.
Bad Poetry Day: 18
Every day should be Bad Poetr-- no, wait....
'Black Cow' Root Beer Float Day: 19
I've never had one, but I've been meaning to for 28 years. I believe my time has come.
Vinegar Day: 20
Man, I loves me the balsamic vinegar. I could seriously drink that stuff straight from the bottle. But then who'd kiss me, besides olive oil fanatics?
Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day: 22
I don't want to know. I just don't want to know.
Valentino Day: 23
From Wikipedia: "Valentino's reputation still stands as a legendary sex symbol of androgynous appeal. To this day many fans, some dressed as sheiks, flappers or women in black, make an annual pilgrimage on the day of Valentino's death to his crypt at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. . . . 'Sheik' brand condoms, introduced onto the market in the 1930's, were named after Valentino's most famous role and for years featured Valentino's silhouette on the packaging. . . . The Bangles mention Valentino in their pop hit "Manic Monday", written by Prince."
All I have to say is: PRINCE WROTE "MANIC MONDAY"? How did I not know this?!
Vesuvius Day: 24
Enjoy some chocolate lava cake. You know you wanna.
Crackers Over The Keyboard Day: 28
Every day should be Crackers Over the Keyboard Day! In my case, it really is. And Brownies Over the Keyboard Day. And Peanut Butter Straight Out of the Jar Day. Don't worry, I only eat the reduced-fat stuff.
National Toasted Marshmallow Day: 30
See S'mores Day.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled life.
Anyway, in the spirit of enlightening all y'all (yes, yes, I know, I'm not Southern, therefore I have no business saying "y'all"; shuddup), here are some upcoming August dates which I strongly suggest we all observe. Each one is absolutely for real, at least according to these people:
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day: 7
Hurry up before this one's over! I'm not exactly sure what constitutes 'preposterous,' but Sephora might offer one a good lead.
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night: 8
Hells yeah! Self explanatory.
National Underwear Day: 9
Some of my best friends wear underwear. Now you can, too!
National Duran Duran Appreciation Day: 10
Need I say more? "UMF" is one of my absolute favorite tracks; it sounds hella funk nasty, but it also works for just plain ol' jumping around, which I like to do in creaky elevators. Okay, not really.
S'mores Day: 10
Every day should be S'mores Day!
Kool-Aid Day: 11-13
Kool-Aid's so special, it gets THREE days of fabulosity. Enjoy this one to the hilt, unless you're Jim Jones and live in Guyana. I'll be drinking the blue flavor out of a Windex bottle and freaking everyone out.
Eleanor Roosevelt Day: 12
WHOO!
Vinyl Record Day: 12
Does anyone have a record player which can play my swingin' big band 78s? This is a serious question.
National Navajo Code Talkers Day: 14
Better than Pig Latin for hiding secrets from the kids.
Bad Poetry Day: 18
Every day should be Bad Poetr-- no, wait....
'Black Cow' Root Beer Float Day: 19
I've never had one, but I've been meaning to for 28 years. I believe my time has come.
Vinegar Day: 20
Man, I loves me the balsamic vinegar. I could seriously drink that stuff straight from the bottle. But then who'd kiss me, besides olive oil fanatics?
Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day: 22
I don't want to know. I just don't want to know.
Valentino Day: 23
From Wikipedia: "Valentino's reputation still stands as a legendary sex symbol of androgynous appeal. To this day many fans, some dressed as sheiks, flappers or women in black, make an annual pilgrimage on the day of Valentino's death to his crypt at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. . . . 'Sheik' brand condoms, introduced onto the market in the 1930's, were named after Valentino's most famous role and for years featured Valentino's silhouette on the packaging. . . . The Bangles mention Valentino in their pop hit "Manic Monday", written by Prince."
All I have to say is: PRINCE WROTE "MANIC MONDAY"? How did I not know this?!
Vesuvius Day: 24
Enjoy some chocolate lava cake. You know you wanna.
Crackers Over The Keyboard Day: 28
Every day should be Crackers Over the Keyboard Day! In my case, it really is. And Brownies Over the Keyboard Day. And Peanut Butter Straight Out of the Jar Day. Don't worry, I only eat the reduced-fat stuff.
National Toasted Marshmallow Day: 30
See S'mores Day.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled life.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
gee whiz, pa, it's establishment propaganda!
That above headline is taken from an actual Educational Filmstrip from the Sixties, by the way.
So, anyway, today is Fun With Archival Footage. Enjoy the following:
If Mirrors Could Speak: Self-Image Film (1976)
This involves children dressed as scary, scary clowns. And they are terrible actors, which makes it all somehow better.
Incredible Edible Egg in Foodservice (c. 1980s)
I love eggs. Even the footage here, which makes eggs look utterly revolting, still has me drooling for more eggs. Eggs! EGGS! MWAHAHAHAHA! But I digress.
York Peppermint Patty Commercial (c. 1980s)
This has brief yodeling. Need I say more?
VD is for Everybody (1969)
THE. BEST. SONG. EVER. I have been singing/humming/thinking this dratted song nonstop. I hum it near-silently on the bus. I belt it out loud when I'm alone in elevators. Mothers clutch their small children in fright when they see me approach. But this cheerful ditty keeps me, well, cheerful. Far too cheerful to be of any good to society, perhaps.
These guys are SO my brother and me. It's just simple, excellent fun.
So, anyway, today is Fun With Archival Footage. Enjoy the following:
If Mirrors Could Speak: Self-Image Film (1976)
This involves children dressed as scary, scary clowns. And they are terrible actors, which makes it all somehow better.
Incredible Edible Egg in Foodservice (c. 1980s)
I love eggs. Even the footage here, which makes eggs look utterly revolting, still has me drooling for more eggs. Eggs! EGGS! MWAHAHAHAHA! But I digress.
York Peppermint Patty Commercial (c. 1980s)
This has brief yodeling. Need I say more?
VD is for Everybody (1969)
THE. BEST. SONG. EVER. I have been singing/humming/thinking this dratted song nonstop. I hum it near-silently on the bus. I belt it out loud when I'm alone in elevators. Mothers clutch their small children in fright when they see me approach. But this cheerful ditty keeps me, well, cheerful. Far too cheerful to be of any good to society, perhaps.
These guys are SO my brother and me. It's just simple, excellent fun.
Friday, December 9, 2005
welcome to the tribe
So I was at Washington Mutual today, waiting in line to deposit a check, when I realized how Christmas-saturated the place was. The railings were bedecked with gold-and-burgundy tinsel, stockings printed with cheery snow tableaus hung in a row along the teller's windows, and Santa beamed down upon us blessed patrons from at least six vantage points.
The line moved, and I ended up with the last teller on the right -- a younger, bespectacled guy who looked bored. "How are you doing today?" he inquired blandly, looking vacantly at my left ear.
"Fine," I said. "So, when are you guys putting up the Hanukkah decorations?"
His eyes slid into contact with mine. "Uh, dunno," he said as he took my paper slips.
"Are you actually planning to put any up?" I tried really hard not to sound snarky, but I don't think it worked. He thought for a moment as he started entering info from my paper slips into his computer.
"Actually, no," he said, attempting to sound apologetic. He glanced up again. "I can talk to my manager, if you like." As the words came out of his mouth, his eyes slid back to the computer. I'd clearly mistaken him for someone who gave a whoop.
"Sure," I said. Try not to whine, try not to whine, try not to whine. "I mean, it's sorta depressing and all, coming in here and not seeing even one chintzy dreidel decal on the wall."
"I'll talk to my manager," he said. Eyes still on computer. "Will that be all?"
"Yup," I said. "Thanks so much, I really appreciate your help."
"Thank you for coming to Washington Mutual, have a nice day," he recited to my left ear. I smiled in what I hoped was an endearing, please-help-the-downtrodden way, realized he had entirely failed to notice, dropped the smile, and trudged back out to my car.
Being Jewish in a Pasadena Washington Mutual sucks donkey balls.
The line moved, and I ended up with the last teller on the right -- a younger, bespectacled guy who looked bored. "How are you doing today?" he inquired blandly, looking vacantly at my left ear.
"Fine," I said. "So, when are you guys putting up the Hanukkah decorations?"
His eyes slid into contact with mine. "Uh, dunno," he said as he took my paper slips.
"Are you actually planning to put any up?" I tried really hard not to sound snarky, but I don't think it worked. He thought for a moment as he started entering info from my paper slips into his computer.
"Actually, no," he said, attempting to sound apologetic. He glanced up again. "I can talk to my manager, if you like." As the words came out of his mouth, his eyes slid back to the computer. I'd clearly mistaken him for someone who gave a whoop.
"Sure," I said. Try not to whine, try not to whine, try not to whine. "I mean, it's sorta depressing and all, coming in here and not seeing even one chintzy dreidel decal on the wall."
"I'll talk to my manager," he said. Eyes still on computer. "Will that be all?"
"Yup," I said. "Thanks so much, I really appreciate your help."
"Thank you for coming to Washington Mutual, have a nice day," he recited to my left ear. I smiled in what I hoped was an endearing, please-help-the-downtrodden way, realized he had entirely failed to notice, dropped the smile, and trudged back out to my car.
Being Jewish in a Pasadena Washington Mutual sucks donkey balls.
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