Let me decorate your bachelor pad. Please?

I just sent an e-mail to a friend of mine about how he's furnishing his place (he's lived there for a year and still needs one of everything, apparently). Me being the whimsical type, I sent him some suggestions, and then suddenly realized that HEY: I AM A GENIUS. Here is what I wrote:

I'd expect nothing less than a red velvet couch shaped like a set of women's lips, and a throne or two, and maybe a transparent telephone with glowing neon inside it, and a skateboard ramp. And a calliope. And a few hundred weathervanes. And a ginormous disco ball which reaches practically from floor to ceiling, which -- and I'm just spitballing here -- could have a door on its side, which opens onto a conversation pit INSIDE. And at least one velvet painting of Elvis, because that would be classy.

. . . .

NB: candelabras with bead fringe and bronze naked ladies are always advisable.

Sometimes, I just amaze myself. I totally need my own design show on TLC.