Saturday, October 20, 2007

a sense of purpose

So, I haven't been updating, because I was too busy having a life. More specifically, my parents were in town, which was a lot of fun, and I just got back from dropping them off at the airport. My parents are always very adamant about taking early flights, much to my great annoyance. But I love my family, so I do it anyway, whining all the way so that they know how much I care and am willing to sacrifice for them.

Also: it's amazing to me that other people are awake at such an ungodly hour on a Saturday. When I pulled into my garage, you know what I saw? A guy sticking mountain bikes into his car! At 6:30 on a Saturday morning! What on earth would possess a person to do such a thing?

And there was another guy, further up the sidewalk, who was walking his dog. This I understand rather better—there's no arguing with your dog at 6:30 in the morning. Still, this is why, when people ask me if I'm a cat person or a dog person, I generally say "Neither, I am a turtle person." And it is the truth. Because, you see, a turtle would never wake you up at 6:30 in the morning, imploring you (using drool if necessary) to take them outside for pooping purposes. Also, turtles have more personality than most people give them credit for, I'm not violently allergic to them, and they don't mind if you paint their shells with nail polish when you're bored.

And I just have to say, for the record, that I am thrilled beyond belief that I could start off my Saturday morning with the phrase "pooping purposes." I feel this has earned me the right to go back to bed for a bit. Good morning.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

happenings

Wow, busy day -- saw several people, the movie "Elizabeth: the Golden Age" (worth seeing, but not worth going to see), the inside of an automatic car wash, and the inside of IKEA for exactly 18 minutes because of some emergency furniture shopping. Phew.

I also had my first-ever root beer float, and (random but true, I swear) I saw some pineapple upside-down cake today at a cafe I hadn't visited in months.

And very shortly, I'll be hanging out with my family, who's coming into town for the week. Should be groovy. Even if it means putting together two red Stefan chairs tomorrow afternoon, sigh.

Also: am I the only one who stupidly got my car washed earlier today, only to have the activity rendered pointless by the rain tonight? Grr, argh, gnashing of teeth, blah blah. Damn, I'm even too tired to properly gnash my teeth. Talk amongst yourselves, 'kay? 'Kay.

Good night. Smooches.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

my short story -- better than Madonna's

I read a couple of Madonna's picture books yesterday, and you know what? I'm not a giant fan, to put it mildly. I find them sentimental, and, worse still, they even leave out crucial plot points here and there. Drives me batty.

The way I figure it, I can write a better story than Madonna, no problem. Here goes my first-ever attempt, which came to me as I was drifting asleep yesterday—let me know what you think:

Once Upon a Time, by Astrid Phillips

Once upon a time, there was a Once upon a Time. Once looked like an orange crow, but he couldn't fly very well; Time looked like a lavender rhinoceros with gold lightning bolts on her sides, and she could fly marvelously. Once sat comfortably upon Time as they traveled, because it would have been ridiculously uncomfortable the other way around. Time's job was simply to keep moving, or else humanity would freeze in place and nothing would ever get done. Once's job was to make Time pause every so often to savor a rare moment of human greatness. They were very good friends, always moving magically and invisibly throughout the world so quickly by human standards that, if we could see them, it would have looked like they were everywhere at the same time, which of course they weren't; time doesn't move the same way for Time and Once the way it seems to move for us.

No one paid them to do their jobs—Once and Time just really enjoyed doing what they did, drinking in the view and helping the world go 'round. They'd had these jobs for as long as they could remember, and neither one could ever imagine doing anything else. This all worked out more or less okay, but after a while Once had to lodge a complaint with Time.

"Hey," Once asked as Time crawled through an accountancy class in Nebraska, "why do you always rush through the good stuff, and dawdle through the boring stuff? Here we are, crawling through an accountancy class in Nebraska, when we could be tearing like the wind through this, and dawdling instead through an exciting birthday party on a yacht off the shores of Costa Rica, with dancing girls and fireworks and pineapple upside-down cake and everything. What's the big idea?"

Time sighed quietly; she didn't want to wake up the accounting students who were napping in the back. "Oh, Once," she said, "you're always about The Big Moment, the pivot of someone's life, the extravaganza which will never be repeated. What's wrong with savoring the dull moments which fill up the the rest of people's lives, making them more human with every second? I don't know about you, but I get tired of being magical, sometimes; it's the ordinary which fascinates me, since I will never be ordinary myself."

Once sighed back. "I'm so bored, I could stab my eyes out with a fork, if only I had opposable thumbs. I don't even know why I bothered coming here with you."

Time giggled. "It's my girlish charm," she said. "That, and I promised you a root beer float later." Which was true; they paused humanity every so often to enjoy root beer floats at their magical neighborhood diner, which was owned and run by magical triplets named Past, Present and Future. Past remembered the best recipes, Present was a speedy cook who had things ready just as you showed up, and Future always knew when you'd show up and warned Present accordingly. Future was also supposed to be in charge of cleaning up the kitchen, which was actually a terrible idea, since Future was always saying he'd do it later. This made Present a little crabby, since he'd end up cleaning the kitchen himself while Future made millions in the human stock market from his laptop. Past was always too distracted with reminiscing about recipes to pay attention to any of this.

Time and Once breezed into the diner after their class and sat at the best booth, which was in the back, in a shaft of golden sunlight no matter what time of day or night it happened to be. Before their bottoms even hit the benches, Present set their root beer floats down on the table. Once's had a sparkler in it.

"Future said you'd want a little cheering up," Present explained. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's just Time. She always lingers with the boring stuff, and rushes me through my once-in-a-lifetime events, so I never really get to enjoy my work," Once groused, taking a spoonful of ice cream from his float. "Hey, this really hits the spot. Thanks for the sparkler."

"Sure thing," said Present. "So, Time, why not cut Once some slack and dawdle at more parties? Hang out longer at amazing concerts. Maybe linger more around people when they're falling in love, give them more time together. Live in the now, y'know?"

Time sipped her root beer delicately through her straw, then paused to answer. "As I told Once, being magical gets predictable after a while, while ordinariness fascinates me since I'll never be ordinary. And besides, it's the long, draggy parts of life which make everyone appreciate the magical moments more when they happen. It's all about contrast, right?" She went back to sipping.

"What a bunch of baloney!" Once retorted.

"Ooh, I like baloney," said Past, sitting behind the counter with a notepad and a pen, looking dreamy. "Grandma made the best casserole with it, back when we were kids—"

"Never mind," said Time. "Look, Once and I could swap places for a day and Learn A Lesson. Or maybe Once could get his day in the sun, so to speak, and I could become more indulgent forevermore. Hey, maybe we could take over the diner, and send Past, Present and Future out to do our former jobs to Reveal Something Deep about the Universe. Point is, all of these things have happened, are happening, and will happen, only in other dimensions. So why bother our heads about the version of the story we're living right now? Our current system seems to work, and carries with it some poetic aspects."

Once gaped at Time.

"Whoa," he said. "Now my brain hurts. How do you know about this other stuff?"

"I accidentally received a letter in the mail for the wrong Time," Time shrugged. "Very odd. I hadn't realized our postal service also serves other dimensions, but so it goes."

"Gosh," said Once, plumping up his feathers and looking pleased. "I didn't know there were other versions of me running around, having crazy adventures. Well, crazier than mine. If only I could meet my other me versions sometime."

Future poked his head out of the kitchen. "Maybe someday all of our dimensional versions will figure out how to get our paths to cross at a big ol' picnic. Wouldn't that be great?"

Past looked up from his notepad, confused. "Don't you already know whether it'll happen or not?"

"I hate ruining surprises," Future winked.

Present perked up. "Hey, let's have a picnic right now!"

And so they all went to a gorgeous park and picnicked, with Once and Time taking the rest of their root beer floats to go. Afterwards, when Past, Present, and Future went home, Time and Once went on the swings—gently, to go easy on their full stomachs—and watched the sun set. Just to be nice, Time lingered.

"Thanks, Time," Once sighed. "You're really the best pal anyone could have."

"Nobody else has ever told me that," Time answered sadly. She looked at Once and smiled. "Thanks."

"Anytime," said Once. "Except I guess not just any Time. Aw, you know what I mean."

Time knew exactly what Once meant. It was moments like this that Once made truly memorable.

The sunset was spectacular.

belated Wednesday linkyloo - 10 Oct 2007



Glad I'm not this kid.


LOLCat Bible Translation Project Should I be ashamed that I love this? Nah.

ThinkGeek: Wi-Fi Detector Shirt You know I love textiles which light up, right? RIGHT? Yeah. And this one is INTERACTIVE, W00T YEAH. Pretty and practical, all sorts of neato.

Violent Acres: I'm Tired of Bulimia Being the New Black I agree completely.

Times Online: The day the music industry died None of this is a big surprise, although I find it interesting that CDs are now considered exclusively for free PR at this point, solely meant to promote a concert. Interesting business approach.

ebay.com: Feedback profile for tryork5ifp Who IS this guy, and why are people writing these sorts of comments? Very intriguing indeed.

Microsoft.com: The ten worst presentation moments Cringingly hilarious.

Fornasetti.com Piero Fornasetti created useful objets of staggering beauty. The guy oozed wit, whimsy, and beauty the way the rest of us breathe.

guy gets arrested for feeding the homeless What a crock. I can't believe Orlando, Florida is this...ecchh.

Mango Beta Learn a new language online! My friend Paul swears by this.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Tuesday linkyloo - 09 October 2007

PhysOrg.com: US Scientist heralds 'artificial life' breakthrough and The Guardian: I am creating artificial life, declares US gene pioneer Potentially great, and potentially horrifying. If only we could better anticipate the pros and cons of technology, sigh. And if only I could read minds and fly and be invisible. Craig Venter fascinates me.

Inventor Spot: The Secret Life of Sunscreens Wait, cosmetics with nanoparticles can potentially be absorbed into our bloodstream and breakdown our (thanks to Venter) Frankenstein DNA? OH MY GOD. We're all going to evolve into something like this:


/Film: Sundance Horror Movie Teeth Finally Unleashed It took us how long as a human race to cook up a film so unabashedly Freudian? I LOVE THIS. I'm not generally a big horror fan, but the irate feminist within me loves this to bits.

Question: Should the protagonist see a gynecologist? Or a dentist?

Speaking of altering reproductive elements, here's a slightly more palatable approach:


Papelera 21: Huevos Tallados Breathtaking.

The existential rollercoaster I'm apparently on makes this Adams article apropos:

The Dilbert Blog: On the Other Hand Okay, if you're not subscribed to Scott Adams's blog by now, you're clearly deranged. Anyway, I agree with absolutely every word in this; I've always been able to see multiple sides to everything without being schizophrenic (as far as I know), so...yeah. Rockin'. Speaking of seeing multiple sides to everything,

/Film: USA Network's "Thank You For Smoking" TV Series Oh, lordy, I just love this movie, I can't wait to see this as a show! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Then again, who could top Aaron Eckhart?

Here's a terrific ensemble cast:


the presidents on Mt. Rushmore sing "Teddy Bears' Picnic This is SO ME, I'm going nuts. I especially love when the Death Star, 101 dalmations, an Air France plane and Gandhi make an appearance.

And now for some more silliness, albeit with some dark wit behind it:


From Mitchell and Webb -- had me laughing an unsightly amount. Clothes really can speak volumes about our intentions.

And now onto some pointlessly beautiful art, using WWII-era technology:

The Wall Street Journal: One Man's Bid to Save Morse Code Intriguingly enough, the journalist for this article has the same name as my dad. But back to the point at hand: Morse code is loads of fun, and I use to be a whizbang dittybopper myself back in eighth grade (no lie), but I still don't feel this is really necessary. Then again, since when is true art 'necessary'? Discuss.

Speaking of gloriously unnecessary art which knocks my socks off:


This color palette matches the inside of my brain. Marvelous.

Monday, October 8, 2007

existential Monday linkyloo - 08 Oct 2007


Unabashedly earnest and uplifting. Sometimes it's nice to take a vacation from irony for a moment.

Speaking of being men and not machines:

The New York Sun: Aren't We All Just Replicants on the Inside? I went to see Blade Runner yesterday on the big screen, and...wow. I've always loved the dark majesty of this film and its premise, and it's terrific to see it on the big screen again. Left me all angst-ridden, existential and peevish, but it really made me appreciate sunlight afterwards. The late lunch/early dinner afterwards with my pal Matt helped, too.

Lesson: don't do anything involving retrofuturistic dystopias, unless there will be sunshine and lunch with good people afterwards.

And since we're on the topic of separating mind from body:


Ron Mueck: mask II (2001)
Oh, Mueck. Love him, love him, love him.

But, lest we forget the body entirely:

CNN.com/technology: Microsoft open personal health record site Great idea in theory, rotten idea in practice. Our lives are so easily hackable, it's pretty ridiculous.

While we're at it:

Historical Anatomies on the Web Your one-stop resource for human anatomy, yessir!

Let's fill those picturesque lungs with something fresh for a change:

Inventor Spot: Planning a Visit (to the Forests?!) of Hong Kong Er, "renaturalization"? Despite the Orwellian language, this sounds truly terrific. I love the idea of tree towers eclipsing skyscrapers.

And to decorate the outside of our lung regions:


ThinkGeek: The ThinkGeek 8-bit Tie Nice 'n' geeky, and totally adorable.

Speaking of ironic techy-ness:




That's how I like my software: remixed.

Still sort of on the topic:

Inventor Spot: Japan's InfoBar 2 Outclasses Apple iPhone Wow, this phone really does put the iPhone to shame. Our ignorance is Apple's profit.

Veering from gadgets to other wacky science/tech:

Improbable Research: Winners of the Ig Nobel Prize Ooh, I just love when science and irreverence mix! It's always a good crop each year.

Well, that was a pleasant and mildly whimsical jaunt, indeed. Happy Monday.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Sunday linkyloo - 07 Oct 2007

Neatorama: Reverse Graffiti Video Clip Everything in me loves this. LOVES. THIS. Environmentally responsible, civically minded, incredibly artistic, and yet still sticking it to The Man! Perfection.

Wired: Peter Thiel Explains How to Invest in the Singularity We're all gonna be stinking rich, or we're all gonna die. Happy Sunday!

Rough Type: Sharecropping the long tail Exploitation of the masses for the profit of the few! Like that's never happened before. Oh, but wait, now it's happening with blogging and videos of crotch injuries. Huh.

New York Magazine: Is It Now Acceptable to Say 'Fuck' in the Office? via Obscure Store and Reading Room Fuck yeah!

the nonist: Earth Noir As a woman obsessed with colors, I found this brief musing most intriguing. Terrific food for thought, although, given the brevity of the entry, more like an excellent canape for thought.

The Dilbert Blog: The Future of Newspapers Scott Adams writes the way I think, and I agree with him on this as well. His Venetian scroll idea is pretty intriguing, too.

Midwest Teen Sex Show: Homosexuality in High School Part 1 There's no part 2 yet, but this should tide you over long enough. "And remember, homosexuality is a choice...like cancer!" I really love the intelligence, candor and wit of this show.

Dark Roasted Blend: US Navy Enters the Music Business I shouldn't be so easily amused by these silly videos, but I am. There are also pics of Cinque Terre villages which are BREATHTAKING, and mostly unrelated to the US Navy.

Look Around You: Brain via Eye of the Goof Morbidly fantastic fun, and terribly Brit.

Human League: Love Action (I Believe In Love) Wow, they really put that make-up on with a spatula, huh? And that's just the guys.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Saturday linkyloo - 06 Oct 2007


love on the edge Yowza.

MIT - On the Effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study Hilarious, and also handy.

placeboKatz: Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words? Did you know that Michael Jackson ripped off his moonwalk from Marcel Marceau? Go read this for more such nuggets o' interest about the world's most famous mime.

Equator: The History Tablecloth SO cool! I'd love to have this tablecloth, mainly because I'm a sucker for incorporating beautiful lighting in the most unexpected of places, especially if it's interactive.

Angry Retail: Celebrity Weighing Scales Just hilarious. Apparently, Prince weighs less than Oliver Twist, but more than Gary Coleman.

deputydog: 7 amazing holes Sounds obscene, but it's actually just really jaw-dropping geological formations (with one or two man-made ones in there to throw you off). Their size really scrambles your brains.

Rough Type: Transacting Friendship All about how our friendships have become 'bureaucratized' through Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, etc. I completely agree - but you have to admit, it's handy for making announcements about events and stuff.

TIME: The Disease of the Future Ad-hocracies. Yeatsian gloom. All because technology is accelerating faster than the rate at which we can adjust. Daily culture shock, predicted by an article from 1970, which I find awesome.

Damn Interesting -- Lake Peigneur: The Swirling Vortex of Doom I LOVE stories like this, where giant chunks of our planet get swallowed up without warning, and no lives were lost in the process. Fun for the whole family! Also, you can't really argue with the awesomeness of a title like "Swirling Vortex of Doom". Rock on.

Chicago Sun-Times: Stop me if you've heard this one I love the idea of mixing stop signs with humor, I only wish folks had thought of this earlier.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Friday linkyloo, 05 Oct 2007

Talking Heads: This Must Be The Place I just watched Wall Street, and now I'm in a Talking Heads state of mind. Also, did you know that Stewart Copeland did the score for the film? And did you know that Copeland's dad worked for the CIA, and his mom was an archaeologist? And did you know that Copeland grew up in Egypt and Lebanon, speaking fluent Arabic? Oh, IMDb, I love you.

Edie Brickell & the New Bohemians: What I Am Every girl in my high school looked like Edie Brickell, and this was 1990 through 1995. Interesting. Also, is it just me, or does Edie look a little...under the influence?

Paula Abdul: (It's Just) The Way That You Love Me This represents everything right about the late 90s to me. Which wasn't much, to be honest, but it's all in this video. Whew. Makes me want to wear a bajillion pearls and pointy heels, and candy-apple-red lipstick.

pic via Dark Roasted Blend Why oh WHY can't NASA release more photos like this? I totally want one just like it, only with my own family.

Vertical Soccer Advertising at its finest. But why does Tokyo get all the fun?

The Dilbert Blog: Mild Super Power Scott Adams's writing very nearly appeals to me even more than his Dilbert strip at this point. SO terrific.

chicagotribune.com: Principal defends hugging crackdown Wow, if only this problem had existed in my high school, I think we all would've been a tad less surly.

The Click Five - Jenny Should I be embarrassed that I really like this song? Should I be further embarrassed that I really like this video, with the band members mugging adorably for the camera in the close-ups etc.? Sigh.

Blur - Parklife Damon Albarn, in 1994, was hottt. Good gravy. And why can't my life look like this video? I already have the rainbow umbrella, which I suppose is a decent start. Side note: the production design reminds me of that on "Pushing Daisies." Most excellent.

Christopher Farah - Palestinians on the Brink: Don't Count Out Hamas - Politics on the Huffington Post To quote: "Many modern breeds of nationalism started out, in large part, as responses to enemies or outside forces, but that makes them no less legitimate now. There would have been no American revolution without a repressive Britain to revolt against. Modern Zionism is in large part a European phenomenon, a reaction to European Ant[i]-Semitism . . . . there's no shame that Palestinian nationalism has its roots in opposition to Israel. If anything, it's logical. But like those other nationalisms, Palestinian nationalism does need to evolve beyond a reactionary stage, or it will not be able to thrive, or even survive." Well said, Mr. Farah, well said.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Wednesday linkyloo

I'll be doing video game testing at USC this afternoon, joining the brave new world blah blah. Should be unboring.

Stencil Revolution: Bleach on fabric tutorial via Boing Boing Just beautiful! And you can truly do it yourself.

Hay Bales by Ryan McGinnis A gorgeously ominous picture of a tornado. And a hay bale. Trust me, it's dramatic and breathtaking and deserves to be a Thomas Hart Benton painting.

untitled photo Sneakers with no wearers, only the reflections have remained intact -- just wonderful. Did I mention I love whimsical-yet-ominous photos? Yeah.

Terrific tire-swing diagram of corporate madness Pretty much says it all. Adorable, sleek, darkly informative, and wickedly funny.

Rough Type: Corpse-generated content Macabre yet practical. The final sentence made me chortle out loud for a good five minutes afterwards.

belated Tuesday linkyloo

Ever spend 15.5 consecutive hours with somebody you just met, simply because they were worth it? I had a terrific Tuesday, thank you for asking.

Onwards and upwards:

BBC News: Big Brother is watching us all It's really, really happening. Urk.

funcollector.com: daredevils doing what they do best Just glorious!

The Postmarks - Goodbye Adorably peppy, for when you need to distract yourself from Big Brother.

Blur: The Universal Takes A Clockwork Orange and makes it, well, pretty. And sweet.

Physorg.com: Printing in 3-D Revolutionary, in a "Today's the day we start living in an episode of Star Trek" kind of way. YES! ::air guitar::

Monday, October 1, 2007

Monday linkyloo

Happy first of October! Back when I lived in Chatham, NJ, I had a math teacher in seventh grade named Mrs. Licato who made a pretty big impression on me. Amongst other pearls of wisdom, she told us that on the morning of every first of the month, we should chant "Bunny bunny, bunny bunny, bunny bunny," and then make a wish, all before getting out of bed or speaking to another person. Then the wish would presumably come true. I did this for years, which just goes to show how desperate I was for the world to be that easily magical. And, by the end of every month, my wish would entirely fail to be realized. Darn that Mrs. Licato!

She was a terrific math teacher, though.


The Daily Journal: Car wreck saves choking driver's life Crazygreat.

The New York Sun: Students Know Less After 4 College Years Sadly, this doesn't surprise me in the least. I think it probably applies to me, too.

Slate.com: Alan Greenspan discovers that human beings are...irrational! To quote Greenspan: "[T]he human race, no matter how one defines it, is not smart enough to do better." Most interesting, and again, hardly surprising.

International Herald Tribune: In the shadow of horror, SS guardians frolic A sizable chunk of my family perished in the camps, and the ability of the SS to compartmentalize their jobs in their lives like this is something I've discussed with my parents quite a bit. Most interesting.

The New Yorker: Cool for School Former members of Blue Man Group have started their own nursery school, and it. totally. rocks.

belated Saturday linkyloo

More weekend fabulosity.

Wikipedia: Dyson sphere So, I'm sure you know what a Dyson sphere/ring/swarm/shell is, but I think it bears a refresher. It's such an elegant idea.

Beyond batteries: Storing power in a sheet of paper I can't wait to have my business card actually display my three-minute reel, on the paper.

Barry Bonds' HR Record Tainted by Elbow 'Armor'? Wow, did you know about this? How did his elbow contraption make it past everyone? The days of non-cyborg sports seem to be numbered. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see Transformers playing croquet.

NYT: An Opportunity for Wall St. in China's Surveillance Boom Ah, fascism and corporatism meet again.

Morissey Dance by Toothpaste for Dinner Oh, wow, this makes me feel like it's 1995 all over again, what with the bad MIDI and .gifs. Love it!

belated Friday linkyloo

So, I was very busily having an awesome weekend, hence my belated postings. Have fun!

Kodak "Winds of Change" AIO Printers More brilliance. I quote: "SWEET MABEL, I ALMOST LOST CONSCIOUSNESS."

Shrinking kilogram bewilders physicists This bewilders me, too. Wait, does this mean we all weigh less now? [cue rolling of eyes]

The gamma-ray annihilation lasers are coming! via Boing Boing Too nifty. And scary. Did I mention nifty?

Reason Magazine - Will Super Smart Artificial Intelligences Keep Humans Around As Pets? via Disinformation. Let us bow to our demon robot overlords.

Rough Type: A very silly report on "fair use" Nicholas Carr is rapidly becoming one of my favorite skeptics. I'm all for fair use, but not when the hype is inflated to outrageous proportions.