Khan Academy nails marketing—and your new Flashdance lifestyle

I recently started taking a certification course in digital marketing, and things were going pretty smoothly, until I had to write about a great digital marketing campaign.

Here's the problem: I hate most digital marketing. The last campaign that brought me unbridled joy was for a poop spray, and that was back in 2013.

I'd still totally wear that outfit, though.

I'm also a fan of the Dove Real Beauty Sketches, but that campaign's already been discussed to death. I needed something new, at least new to me.

"Astrid," I can already hear you asking, "if you're so bitter about digital marketing, why are you spending your free time and approximately a thousand post-tax dollars learning more about it?"

I've got a few reasons, based mostly on my personal experience:

• All marketers are expected to be digital gurus now. If you aren't, you're more expendable as an employee.
• Senior management are now more desperate than ever to have well-informed marketers to recommend digital strategies, since all things digital have gotten so overwhelming.
• Someone needs to make better digital marketing campaigns, I figure I might as well learn best practices and then try to improve the industry from the inside.

But I was still stuck with the problem of covering a decent marketing campaign. What do I write about? What active campaign resonates with me, and hasn't been covered ad nauseam yet?

Enter Khan Academy's #YouCanLearnAnything, suggested by one of my classmates. This ad only came out about a year after the Poo-Pourri spot, but Khan Academy still seems to be using the same video, slogan, and hashtag today. If you're looking for a rousing, Dead Poets Society / "Seize the day" message, watch this now. I'll wait.

I love the line, "Failure is another word for growth," cheesy as that sounds. I love the POV shots, so you can't help but empathize with each person as they crash and burn before finally triumphing. I love an ad that reminds us that we're part of something larger than ourselves, and the struggle to improve ourselves is part of a greater movement.

Best of all, this ad made me curious about the classes Khan Academy offers. They seem very heavy on the math and science, not that that's a bad thing, but it's not immediately applicable to me as someone who already has an MBA. However, I did find a treasure trove of classes under "Careers," including: Dance! And welding!

Be still, my Flashdance-loving heart.

Anyway, if you're looking to up your digital marketing game, or if you think your team might benefit from becoming digital marketing ninjas, check out the program I'm in: Udacity's Digital Marketing NanoDegree. I'm still in the first half of the course, so I can't give a fully-informed recommendation yet, but I can tell that I've gotten way savvier already. And my heart's a bit less crusty these days, thanks to exposure to heartwarming campaigns from around the world that I'd missed. I'd say it's worth it.

Inadvertent lessons I've learned from movies

CITIZEN KANE
If you're dating someone with no singing talent, for goodness' sake don't encourage them.


THE GODFATHER
Don't go for a massage when you know a Mafia don is mad at you.


CASABLANCA
Pianos are very handy for hiding legal documents.


THE WIZARD OF OZ
Sometimes you have to put up with a lot of crap for a decent pair of shoes.


STAR WARS
There aren't very many women in space, dammit.


PSYCHO
Never trust a taxidermist.


2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
Cover your mouth when you speak in front of a computer.


SUNSET BLVD.
If you're an aging Hollywood star, don't wear a turban. It doesn't do you any favors.


THE GRADUATE
Don't waste your time trying out SCUBA gear in a swimming pool -- it'll be really, really boring.


CHINATOWN
Jack Nicholson was hot.


SOME LIKE IT HOT
Guys go for ukulele players.


E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL
If you need to forge positive diplomatic relations with aliens, try candy.


TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
Never walk through a dark forest dressed as a ham.


MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON
If you have to filibuster, bring sandwiches.


ANNIE HALL
If your significant other ever orders their deli sandwich on white bread with mayonnaise, you might as well break up with them immediately.


DR. STRANGELOVE
You have to maintain peace in the Pentagon's War Room.


THE SOUND OF MUSIC
Never trust your boyfriend's nanny, even if she was studying to be a nun.


THE PHILADELPHIA STORY
New boots are never classy.


IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT
Be careful how you dunk your doughnuts. There's an art to this, apparently.


TAXI DRIVER
Mohawk + mirrored glasses = awesome.


NORTH BY NORTHWEST
Mount Rushmore offers a slightly better foothold than you might otherwise imagine.


JAWS
Don't swim in the ocean at night. Also, small-town mayors are twerps.


AMERICAN GRAFFITI
American teenagers are twerps. Also, boring.


A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
Men are not allowed to be furniture, only women are. Dammit.


THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
Don't let prisoners have posters.


THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
You don't need to moisturize cows to get supple leather from their hides, but human skin needs a lot more TLC before harvesting.


THE APARTMENT
In a pinch, a tennis racket may be used as a spaghetti strainer.


SWING TIME
Black face is socially acceptable if you're Fred Astaire.


PULP FICTION
Any time of day is a good time for pie.


BLADE RUNNER
In 2019, tortoises and turtles will be considered the same thing.


TITANIC
Rich people are boring, until they decide to hang out with poor people. Poor people are always interesting, resourceful, and good dancers, much like elves.

What the FBI taught me about Steven Paul Jobs

So, in case you've been living under a rock, the FBI just published this file about Steven Paul Jobs. Yes, that Steve Jobs. When he was nominated for a government advisory position in 1991, the White House asked the FBI to do a thorough background check.

According to this 191-page document (which I read in its entirety, because that's how I procrastinate), Steven Paul Jobs wasn't racist, didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't use drugs (except back in college and in the very early days of Apple), lived within his means, associated with people of good repute, was never arrested, and wasn't a Communist. He had an apartment on Central Park West, in addition to his home in Northern California, which I find intriguing -- I'm pretty sure I've walked past his apartment building several times, totally unaware that a tech mogul was hanging out nearby.

For those of you who don't have the time or interest to read all the bits I liked, here's my summary:

- If you have a kid out of wedlock, don't ignore them. Especially if they could be kidnapped because of how ridiculously famous you are.

- When in doubt, delegate. Then delegate some more. (Except for parenting duties, of course.)

- It's great to be ambitious, persistent, and even show some tough love -- but if you lose your reputation for integrity, people will have no problem telling the FBI that you're a boogerbrain.

- Don't think that your wealth can bend reality.

- Everyone loves a visionary, even one who sucked at school and never got a degree in his chosen field.

- Having boundless energy is always an asset. Try cultivating it with exercise and a decent diet. Don't smoke or drink or take drugs, except for maybe a glass of wine once in a while.

- The more famous you are, the more prone you are to extravagant bomb threats. Make your life choices accordingly.


If you're still reading, here are all the bits of the report which jumped out at me -- and at every other reporter right now around the world.

My favorite 'Oh, snap!' moment:
"_____ [all names are redacted in this report] concluded the interview by stating that even though he does not consider Mr. Jobs to be a friend, he (Mr. Jobs) possesses the qualities to assume a high level political position. It was _____ opinion that honesty and integrity are not required for a position of trust and confidence with the Government."


Inspiring stuff I hadn't known before, since I never read any Jobs biographies:
"He stated the Appointee had undergone a change in philosophy by participating in eastern and/or Indian mysticism and religion. This change apparently influenced the Appointee's personal life for the better. He advised the Appointee lives within his means financially, however, based upon his newfound religious beliefs, the Appointee lives more of a spartanlike and at times even monastic existence. He added, however, the Appointee still associates with reputable people. He also advised that although the Appointee is not an engineer in the real sense, he understands . . . technology and technical jargon to the extent that he is an innovative force within the technical community, in terms of the contributions he has made."

"JOBS attended Homestead High School until June 15, 1972, at which time he graduated. He earned an overall grade point average of 2.65 on a 4.0 scale."

"The Appointee drinks occasionally, but only small amounts of wine. The Appointee was well off and had more money that he could spend in a lifetime and his chief concern was how that wealth would be used after he was gone. The Appointee liked brainstorming and was good at mediating. The Appointee understood the Japanese culture and had a great deal of contact in dealing with companies in the Orient."

". . . she verified that the Appointee was her next door neighbor. She described him as a quiet and unassuming individual who had never caused any problems as a neighbor and who visited her last week to ensure that some landscaping he was having done would not cause any problems with her and her husband."

"They had had the Appointee over for dinner and he didn't appear to drink or smoke. He was a vegetarian and did a great deal of jogging."


Creepy moments of already well-documented narcissism and lying bastardry:
"Several individuals questioned Mr. Jobs' honesty stating that Mr. Jobs will twist the truth and distort reality in order to achieve his goals."

"Mr. Jobs possesses integrity as long as he gets his way . . . ."

"She added that a 1983 Time Magazine article by a MICHAEL (Last Name Unknown) provided a rather accurate description of the Appointee, in terms of his being a visionary and charismatic individaul who was at the same time shallow and callous to people in his personal relationships. She described his personal life as being lacking due to his narcissism and shallowness. She added at the same time that he had far reaching vision and can vitalize plans and goals much the same as what he accomplishes at Apple Computers. She also stated that his success at Apple which provided an enormous amount of power for the Appointee also caused him at times to lose sight of honesty and integrity and even caused him to distort the truth at times to get his way.

"He described the Appointee as an individual who was not totally forthright and honest and has a tendency to distort reality in order to achieve his goals. . . . the Appointee will twist the truth in order to achieve whatever goal he has set for himself. He therefore considered the Appointee to be a deceptive person."

"He stated that Appointee had met _____ in High School and they were high school sweethearts. He added that she and the Appointee had a baby girl out of wedlock, whose name was _____. . . . He added that _____ has been mentioned in many books which have been written about the Appointee but has always used assumed names so as to protect her daughter from the possibility of being kidnapped for ransom. He stated she would be reluctant to speak to the FBI, based upon her negative experiences with the Appointee, in which the Appointee basically abandoned her and her daughter; however, lately the Appointee has been more supportive of both of them and has even purchased a home near where the Appointee resides, for them to be close to him.


Lessons in leadership:
"He characterized Mr. Jobs as an honest and trustworthy individual; however, his moral character is questionable. . . . he considered Mr. Jobs to be a successful individual because he can delegate tasks to individuals. However, Mr. Jobs alienated a lot of people at ACI as a result of his ambition."

"She concluded by stating that despite the Appointee's faults, she believes he is an extremely bright and competent individual who would serve well in a position of trust and confidence by his sense of vision as she previously related along with his indefatigable energy. She therefore recommended him for a position of trust and confidence with the Government."

"_____ described appointee as an extremely intelligent individual, a true leader, who has made a difference in the computer industry and given the opportunity will make a positive contribution on the National scene. _____ stated that appointee is not an individual who can be intimidated; however, fits in and can talk with anyone. _____ further described appointee as an extraordinary person, who is an excellent business negotiator and recruiter of talent. _____ added that appointee is a demanding individual, expecting a lot from himself and others."

"Appointee has the ability to listen to the suggestions and ideas of others and will adopt them; however, an individual dealing with appointee must know what he is talking about and present a strong case or appointee will disregard the discussion and sometimes the individual. _____ added that appointee is very truthful and straightforward with people and usually says exactly what he is thinking."

"He stated that the Appointee alienated a large number of people at Apple, as a result of his ambition. He added that the Appointee is technically oriented but is in the opinion of many, not an engineer, since he never actually got an engineering degreee from College and has been successful in business by delegating tasks to people."


And now for a Die Hard moment:
"DURING MORNING HOURS OF THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1985, AN UNIDENTIFIED MALE CALLER MADE A SERIES OF TELEPHONE CALLS TO _____, _____ OF APPLE COMPUTER, INC., 10201 NORTH DE ANZA BOULEVARD, CUPERTINO, CALIFORNIA, AND ADVISED THAT 'DEVICES"' HAD BEEN PLACED IN HOMES OF CAPTIONED INDIVIDUALS, _____ _____ AND ONE MILLION DOLLARS MUST BE PAID. CALLER ALSO STATED THAT A FOURTH BOMB HAD BEEN PLACED, BUT REFUSED TO GIVE LOCATION AND STATED THIS ONE WOULD GO OFF IF AUTHORITIES NOTIFIED.

"DURING ONE CALL, UNSUB [unknown subject] FIRST STATED THAT _____ SHOULD TAKE A BART TRAIN, BUT _____ REFUSED BEFORE UNSUB COULD ELABORATE.

"DURING SUBSEQUENT CALL, UNSUB STATED THAT _____ SHOULD GO TO THE SAN FRANCISCO HILTON HOTEL WHERE A TABLE IS LOCATED NEXT TO A CANDY MACHINE, AND UNDER THIS TABLE THERE WOULD BE A NOTE WITH FURTHER INSTRUCTION.

"CALLER STATED THIS MUST BE DONE BY 2:30 P.M. ON FEBRUARY 7, 1985, OR BOMBS WOULD GO OFF.

"FIRST TWO CALLS MADE BY UNSUB FOR _____ WERE TAKEN BY STAFF PEOPLE.

"DURING FIRST CALL, NO THREATS MADE AND UNSUB IDENTIFIED HIMSELF AS _____, AND STATED _____ SHOULD CALL HIM AT (415) 877-9566 BECAUSE THERE WAS A FAMILY EMERGENCY.

"_____, _____, SUBSEQUENTLY TELEPHONED THIS NUMBER AND CONVERSED WITH UNSUB, WHO IDENTIFIED HIMSELF AS _____. UNSUB INFORMED THAT _____ IN MEETINGS ALL DAY AND UNAVAILABLE. UNSUB STATED THIS WAS PERSONAL FAMILY MATTER. _____ TOLD UNSUB SHE NEEDED SOME IDEA OF PROBLEM IN ORDER TO INFORM _____, AND UNSUB STATED TO TELL HIM THAT THERE ARE "DEVICES" THAT CAN GO OFF AND THAT HE WILL CALL _____ BACK IN FIFTEEN MINUTES.

"UNSUB SUBSEQUENTLY TALKED TO _____ ABOUT DEMANDS PREVIOUSLY SET OUT IN THIS COMMUNICATION.

"_____ REFUSED TO COMPLY WITH UNSUB'S DEMANDS AND INFORMED HIM THAT HE FELT THREAT NOT A REAL ONE. CONSEQUENTLY, NO ATTEMPT MADE BY _____ OR FBI TO FOLLOW INSTURCTIONS.

"TELEPHONE NUMBER (415) 877-9566 DETERMINED TO BELONG TO PUBLIC TELEPHONE BOOTH IN PARKING GARAGE AT SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.

"IMMEDIATE COVERAGE AFFORDED SAN FRANCISCO HILTON AND TELEPHONE BOOTH WITH NEGATIVE RESULTS. NO NOTE LOCATED UNDER TABLE AS DESCRIBED BY UNSUB.

"TELEPHONE TRAP PLACE BY TELEPHONE COMPANY ON VICTIM'S OFFICE TELEPHONE IN THE EVENT FURTHER CALLS RECEIVED, HOWEVER, NO FURTHER CALLS MADE TO DATE BY UNSUB.

"SANTA CLARA COUNTY, CALIFORNIA SHERIFF'S OFFICE CANINE UNIT MADE SWEEP OF VICTIM'S RESIDENCES AND AUTOS, AS WELL AS BUILDING HOUSING OFFICES OF _____ AND NO DEVICES LOCATED.

"_____ VOLUNTARILY FURNISHED INFORMATION TO LOCAL NEWSPAPER AFTER MEDIA INQUIRED OF UNUSUAL ACTIVITY.

"SAN FRANCISCO MAINTAINING CONTACT WITH APPLE COMPUTER IN EVENT ADDITIONAL INFORMATION DEVELOPS."

Stop - It's Hammertime! (only with bindis and dupattas)

    When I'm not doing micromarketing or calculating inventory, I prance about like a Bollywood star in MBA talent shows. This seems to astound and impress the Indian students, who think that no American would ever be caught dead shaking her groove thing in front of 110 people to "Desi Girl" or "Mauja Hi Mauja". In your face, dubious Indian students! You're not the only cool, dancing-type people to hang out in business schools! So there.



P.S. The Rockettes we ain't, but we still brought the house down. This was quite possibly one of the most awesome experiences I've ever had, at least since that one time I was duct-taped to a wall.

"Sneakers" and Astrid-kicking, not necessarily in that order

    Despite my original plan, I never did devote this blog to the ups, downs, and sideways (sidewayses?) of business school. This is because it took me only 24 hours of orientation in September to realize that I could never, ever write anything about the UC Irvine faculty, administration, or my peers without everyone immediately finding it and hating me for my lack of discretion.

    And so I channeled my energies into kooky things, like studying. And wearing blazers with pearl earrings. And discussing things like "incentivizing". Amazingly enough, I've learned a lot and met lots of great folks and have generally been having a fab time, sometimes even with nachos and beer -- which is why it IRKS ME TO NO END that I can't write about it! Well, I could, but then people would kick me.

    So, with all the potential Astrid-kicking floating around, I kept my mouth shut for several months, but TODAY IS THE DAY I BREAK DOWN AND START BLOGGING AGAIN. This probably won't last long, since I'm still swamped with work and trying to balance that with a social life, but you know what? I really miss writing.

    And here's how I'm kicking off my return to blogging: Artists of the Film "Sneakers".

    For those of you who've seen the film "Sneakers" and love it as much as I do, you'll understand completely why I'm writing about this ever-important topic. It's a very stylish film, and it features some rather bizarre art. Even more interesting, I hadn't realized until last night (after re-watching for the tenth time or so) that all the artists in the movie are listed in the credits! Holy cow! So, here they are:

    Jonathan Borofsky


    This sculpture is in Venice, California, and it always creeped me out, and I had had no idea that its creator had his work featured in "Sneakers". I have no idea what work of his was in the film (maybe this?); so if you DO know, then please let me know. You know?

    Robbie Conal


    I'm just as clueless about Conal in "Sneakers". Again, post any leads if you've got 'em.

    Sonia Delaunay


    Clueless.

    Helen Frankenthaler


    Really clueless.

    Robert Mapplethorpe and an Artsy page about Mapplethorpe


    LOVE his work -- but still don't recall any of it in "Sneakers". Huh.

    Dan McCleary


    Judging by what I can find online, I think he did the prints of flower vases in Liz's loft.

    Tatsuo Miyajima


    I think he did the LED wall art in Cosmo's PlayTronics office.

    Mark Stock


    No clue about his "Sneakers" connection.

    Donald Sultan


    Still clueless.

    And here's the ultimate question: who did those awesome zeppelin prints in Cosmo's office?

business poetry: orientation, the first three days

    certain Powerpoints were caused to occur:
    Harvard -- the Merage of the East! (or so the dean says
    and he seems like he knows)


    I love the smell of new laptop
    endless parade of faculty and staff
    bursting with faith in us
    bonfires
    pizza
    beer and naps when we needed them most
    a ropes course when I needed it least
    sunburnsunburn hey, pain au chocolat sunburnsunburn
    so many boys in crisp blue shirts
    and iPhone cameras to document them
    anxieties trumped by good cheer and caffeine
    unlike USC film school, we are handed an alumni database, complete
    with pictures
    and telephone numbers


    !


    As I said: faith
    in us
    enough to move our local mountains
    but I may need a little more
    to make it through statistics
    yikes
    I am but a filmmaker
    with star stickers on her nametag
    and a head full of errands
    but
    I have finished reading our brick of a course reader
    just in time for tomorrow
    and I took lots of good notes in my best cursive
    because I am neurotic
    My group members strike me as reliable
    and quick
    and forgiving
    and we might not kill each other for a while yet.


    I have faith.

d-day, h-hour, o-orientation

    It's amazing how difficult it is to post when you have tons of reading, and projects to work on, and film screenings to attend, and fabulous people to hang out with. Yihal.

    But no matter: onward and upward to orientation, which starts this morning! I suspect this may be the last time this year that I will ever wear eyeshadow. In the meantime, I will try not to panic that my new, required laptop hasn't arrived yet; the entire admin has assured me that Neolithic-era notetaking equipment (paper, pen, absence of Twitter) will be perfectly A-OK for the next two weeks of orientation.

    Breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth.

    Bonus: free breakfast!

getting down with my bad self in the UCI bookstore

    Did you know that the UCI bookstore prominently features authors who happen to be on the UCI faculty? I think that's the coolest ever -- also because most of the books look genuinely interesting. I've never seen a bookstore at UMichigan or USC do this, although this may also be because I have terrible eyesight. Still, it's great to see such campus pride, and a wealth of talent to back it up.

joys of bureaucracy

    I spent all day Thursday walking around the UC Irvine campus, trying to tie up loose bureaucratic ends. I discovered that the school has just negotiated a new insurance plan for grad students, so the insurance accountants at the health center are still trying to figure everything out, but my particular accountant was very helpful with processing my insurance waiver.

    This is something I'm starting to love about UC Irvine: not the sorting through of bureaucracy, but the helpfulness. Everyone has been incredibly straightforward, efficient, and encouraging. "Never fear!" they say when I tell them I am a new student and therefore clueless. "You've come to the right place, we'll get you all set up!" UMichigan wasn't nearly this cheerful, although they were still mostly helpful, and USC was...well, don't get me started.


    Go Anteaters!

I must be deranged I: the dreams

    And so, four years after starting this blog, I am returning to grad school, this time for my MBA at UC Irvine | Merage. The orientation starts Monday, Sept. 14, and we already have homework -- joy! I haven't had to do any homework since 2003, so I'm a tad apprehensive. I hope my brain isn't rusting.

    The new-school dreams have started again; you know, the ones where I come to campus and everyone knows exactly where to go and what to do, all except me. "Hey guys!" I call out. "Where do I go? What do I do?" People good-naturedly tell me small bits of information, but then rush off before finishing any sentences. "Help," I say. "I am sinking." And I am, right into the sidewalk. As the concrete closes over me, I find myself thinking that maybe I should've stuck with pre-med back in 1996.

G is for Gastroenteritis

This just absolutely slays me. I may perish from cute overload.

Sesame Street: Anderson Cooper Reports

Join me at Mindshare, May 21!

So, here's the latest email I've received from the madcap folks behind Mindshare:

We're excited to announce the program for next Thursday at 1018 Gallery!
http://www.mindshare.la/events.html

William Pomerantz / Senior Director of Space Projects, The X PRIZE Foundation
Winning Our Way to the Moon

Heather Knight / Roboticist, MIT Media Lab
Social Robotics - Exploring the Human-Robot Relationships

David de Rothschild / Founder, Adventure Ecology
The Plastiki - Rethinking Plastic as a Resource!

Daniel Yoder / Hacker, Zeraweb Labs
Flash Fundraising for The Abruzzo Earthquake

Unnamed Military Source / US Air Force
Apocalypse Survival (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Breakdown of Society)

Evonne Heyning & Matt Davis / Lightning Temple Artists
INTERACTIVATION: Collaborative Visions of Human Evolution

And of course there will be and open bar, hors d'ouevres, music and a number of installations on display from the great brains from Mindshare Labs!

I'll be there at 7 to help set up, who else is coming?

I still prefer dancing about architecture

I was checking my email, and I saw a list of talks coming up at the Huntington Library. I was skimming through, minding my own business, when I hit this:

Kimberly Orcutt (New York Historical Society): “John Rogers: Interrogating Sculpture in 19th-Century America”

Interrogating sculpture? Really?


© Dr. Michael Phillips

I love when well-meaning, postmodern art historian types go a wee bit too far with their terminology.

the fine line between creativity and being stark raving mad

Flavia sent me this charming Japanese YouTube video, and I love it to bits:

Say hello sometime!

It's been a long time since I last checked who's been visiting my websites. Here are some of my astridica.com visitors since last June:

Adobe
Artisan Entertainment
Barton Myers Associates (architects)
Disney
Environmental Protection Agency
Faction Media (Colorado)
Fox Entertainment Group
Google (Berlin office)
Indiana University
Jan De Nul (Belgian shipping co.)
Kings County DA Office (NY)
Latrobe University
Loyola Marymount University
Microsoft
National Institutes of Health (probably because I've been in email contact with them)
NBC Universal
Olympus
Raytheon
Smart Design (but that's because we had a conference call around then)
Temple University
University of South Carolina

And here are some of my blog visitors:

Big Huge Games
Carnegie Mellon University
Columbia University
CSU Monterey Bay
Disney
East Texas Baptist University
Florida State University
Gensler (design firm)
Michigan State
Microsoft
North American Rescue
NYU
Ohio University
Penn State University
St. Olaf College
San Jose State University
SUNY Potsdam
UCLA
University of Louisville
University of Mississippi
University of Toronto
University of Western Australia
University of Wisconsin
UT Austin

I suspect I'm getting so many university people on my blog because I have several architecture pictures on it from Wikipedia -- by far my two most popular entries are about architecture -- so I suspect I get a lot of architecture students doing Google image searches and accidentally landing on my virtual front lawn.

But I digress....

Attention visitors from these esteemed institutions: I AM SO RIDICULOUSLY PSYCHED TO HAVE YOU VISITING MY SITE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Send me an email sometime, I'd love to meet you! I already got the chance to speak with the groovy folks at Smart Design and the NIH, but the rest of you are still on the hook.

Are you being skimmed?

Reader Finds Card Skimmer On Bank ATM

I've always been paranoid about ATMs, but I figured I'd be fine if I only visited bank ATMs instead of the sketchy-looking ones at the local 7-11. Silly, silly me! Just watch as I now wrestle with every stinking ATM I visit, convinced each one is out to skim my data. And then the security guards haul me away, thinking I'm trying to deface bank property. Gah.

I just can't win.

Oh boy! Jury duty!

First things first: Mr. T just had jury duty as well!

Next things next: Last week, through this past Monday, I had jury duty on an attempted murder case. I was only a juror alternate, which meant I couldn't sit in the room with the deliberating jury, but I agreed with their verdict of Not Guilty -- there simply wasn't enough evidence. Crazy thing? The verdict was decided in TWENTY MINUTES. Now, that's what I call efficient. Crazy, but efficient.

To quote from an email I just sent about this: I learned a lot about

- LA gangs (I won't mention any in particular, because I don't want to get shot)

- LA gang graffiti ("NELA" = "Northeast LA", for example. It's also popular to spray your "E"s as backward "3"s)

- LA gang clothing (if you see young guys in LA wearing sports jerseys with T logos on them, be they for the Texas Rangers or other, walk away VERY QUICKLY)

- GSR tests (GSR = Gun Shot Residue. Apparently the test is BS once a person washes their hands.)

Also, when a threatening, gang-type person asks you "Where you from?", they really mean "What's your gang?" and will most likely shoot you if you give a wrong answer.

Ha ha! Isn't Los Angeles exciting and dynamic?

Mindshare LA: 16 April 2009

It was in a warehouse, downtown, after dark.

I got there early and helped set up chairs.

Hundreds of chairs -- dusty but light.

Open bar. Two giant snakes inside the bar's counter. I asked for a club soda "with a wedge of something." I got a cup full of various citrus wedges and fizz. Joy! On a side table: chocolate torte from Porto's. Also joy!

I had a new phone message from a job rep. She offered me a job as a brand licensing manager for NBC Universal. The following morning, I will politely decline.

Met people. Many, many people. Programmers, astrophysicists, pre-med people. Media people. JPL people. CalTech people. People whose jobs I couldn't quite figure out, but they seemed to be having gobs of fun anyway. They all liked my earrings. I'd already forgotten which ones I was wearing. I touched them; mother-of-pearl toucans, each of which took up half of each ear. Go toucans!

Time to sit down. I sat with my new CalTech posse.

First speaker discussed group dynamics. Should have been a half-hour longer, at least.

Second speaker discussed drag queens and the fluidity of personality. I wonder how this could be extended to other, non-drag groups?

Third speaker discussed the AlloSphere. I desperately need to test drive this thing.

Intermission. More fizz with wedges of things. Hello, snakes! But they were sleeping. They looked comfy.

Fourth speaker discussed DNA art. So cheap to make, so expensive to buy! I wish I had his brilliance.

Fifth speaker did terrific magic, with very bitter patter. I guess bitterness was his thing. It was on the knife edge between hilarious and depressing.

More talking. CalTech people surprised that I did not, in fact, attend CalTech. Business cards, bonding, drag queens, AlloSphere. Discussion of potential field trip to the AlloSphere. Discussion of the term "field trip." I asserted that field trips do not necessarily require chaperones. Everyone looked relieved.

12:30pm. Back to the car. No ticket, whoo! Chilly out, but I was A-OK. I was wearing my sassy red coat which makes fascinating people say "hello" to me.

I slept well.

film people wisdom

So, I went to the UMEC Film Industry panel a couple of nights ago. Everyone on the panel went to UMichigan, or was at least from the state of Michigan. Go blue, fellow Wolverines! Below are my notes from the evening.

***

Scott Aversano: my personal favorite. I'm always a sucker for people with brains, wackiness, and optimism, plus at one point in his life he was pursuing a PhD in English. Total coolness.

What he said:
Orthodoxies of job paths no longer exist, find your own way.

"I feel like I can invent my job tomorrow." Seems by far the most optimistic of everyone on the panel about current opportunities for getting your creative voice heard today, also has faith that most people in the industry negotiate in such a way as to preserve constructive, mutually beneficial relationships. Bob Shaye pounced on this (see Bob Shaye, below).

"Bidding wars are where personal relationships go to die."

On State of Play: "We were negotiating in dollars, they were negotiating in pounds." Tried to get the rights to the show before WB did, only to have Universal scoop them after the wrong-denomination debacle.

***

Peter Benedek: sounds like he's seen it all and has maintained steady nerves/equilibrium nonetheless. Vaguely reminds me of my orthodontist.

What he said:
started a boutique talent agency back when such an approach could still work. Business too global now to try.

Start working in the mail room, it really works.

***

Jon Glickman: surprisingly low-key for such a sleek-looking exec, maybe it's because he's from the Midwest. Looks sort of like my brother. Only guy on the dais not wearing glasses.

What he said:
accost people in elevators, CONSTANTLY pitch.

The guys who pitched Shanghai Noon had never had a successful pitch before. Since this was their first, they only received $98,000 or so. "Then they landed a TV show called 'Smallville' and became zillionaires and now they've lost my phone number!"

***

Adam Herz: sweet writer-type; doesn't look like the sort of guy who could invent American Pie, which makes the truth so much more magnificent. Appears untouched by stereotypical Hollywood ugliness, surprisingly non-cynical.

What he said:
passion really does matter. Selling out first not necessarily so terrible -- can fund passion projects later. Had not realized that the landscape of the film industry is currently so dire.

***

Rick Olshansky: quieter guy. I get the sense he's never held a camera in his life, but probably has attended more meetings than you can shake a stick at.

What he said:
when trying to get work in the industry, just plug yourself in (as a temp, PA, etc.); when you're around the business, you get absorbed into it.

***

David Paymer: instantly recognizable. Seems to be on the quieter side of really warm/easygoing.

What he said:
always have something to fall back on. Double-majored in theatre and psychology. Currently acts AND directs. "Like I said, always have something to fall back on!"

Mentioned precipitous drop in actor salaries. Always asks for his mid-1990s salary; "after the laughter dies down, we negotiate." Salary roughly half what it used to be.

***

Bob Shaye: looks like he's spent his whole life in the sun, taming wild horses with his bare hands. Rather grim about the topics discussed.

What he said:
very cynical about film-industry ethics. When Aversano talked about good relationships being at the core of negotiating, Shaye delivered a very cynical smackdown, said this has NEVER been his experience.

Don't insist on salaries, don't negotiate, just get your foot in the door.

Movies just being movies apparently no longer enough; Village Roadshow is extending the theatrical experience to be more like a dinner show.

"How much time are you going to spend in front of a TV or computer? Instead of watching your life, go live it. . . . There's going to be a humanity rebellion of some sort." Lots of laughter and applause at this one, both in the audience and on the dais.

***

All in all, not a bad evening. Next time I hope to see some female panelists, though. Some arm wrestling over The Future of Cinema might not be so bad, either.

raging against the machine only works if the machine can be disassembled

The Big Takeover, by Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone Magazine (April 2, 2009 issue).

In eight pages, Matt Taibbi explains what I've felt in my bones but couldn't articulate for months, mainly because I didn't have all the details spelled out for me until now.

I've had people tell me our government is a joke, a shill for the finance megacorporations which truly control us. I figured that just meant purchasing a few lobbyists, which I actually think is okay -- congresspeople can always choose to ignore them -- but now that I know the true scope of things (if Taibbi can be believed), I want to hide under my bed in the fetal position waiting for Armageddon.

Gordon Gecko, Wall Street: "The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It's bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy? It's the free market. And you're a part of it."

It's not just posturing, the governmental power which Wall Street owns is real. They install their own (e.g. Paulson, Geithner) in our government, in order for Wall Street to be 'regulated' by its palsy-walsy brethren, but I wasn't aware of the true powerlessness of our nation until now. And AIG didn't even have a CFO or Chief Risk-Assessment Officer during the worst of this shitstorm!

Truly, we are in the grip of the world's most frat-boyish gang of thugs:

The bonuses are a nice comic touch highlighting one of the more outrageous tangents of the bailout age, namely the fact that, even with the planet in flames, some members of the Wall Street class can't even get used to the tragedy of having to fly coach. "These people need their trips to Baja, their spa treatments, their hand jobs," says an official involved in the AIG bailout, a serious look on his face, apparently not even half-kidding. "They don't function well without them."

None of this is terribly surprising, and I'm equally furious that we live in a civilization where this sort of thing is -- well, unsurprising. It's all like a "Simpsons" episode gone especially mad. I haven't been this angry since I last watched The Corporation.

Geithner is a joke.

The Treasury Dept., and specifically the Office of Thrift Supervision, is a joke.

The Glass-Steagall Act (the second one) is a joke, thanks to Senator Gramm, Representative Leach, and Representative Bliley. (Tangent: Gramm's wife was on the board of directors for Enron, but Leach supported legislation regarding the use of soy ink by the federal government -- plus he's pro-choice and in favor of stem cell research. How did someone like Leach get mixed up in all this?)

The Fed rules our world in order to benefit a few hundred financial assholes who own us, and they don't have to answer to anybody, least of all Congress.

Silly me! I actually believed that crap like 'voting' and 'paying taxes' meant something to the future of this republic!

This reminds me of one of my all-time favorite comic strips:



I need to go punch holes in some walls now, and then run through the streets shrieking about how soylent green is people. That, or I'll be getting some groceries at Trader Joe's; I'm far easier to soothe when I'm chock full of lunch and have a stocked fridge.

BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS. AND THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO TO CHANGE THIS. Geithner will never chop up companies like AIG to make them more manageable. There will be no legislation passed with any real regulatory teeth. We're all either Gordon Gecko, or we're slaves to a system which is not built to help us.

INSERT FORMLESS SCREAM HERE.