Wednesday, April 30, 2008

tales from the interrobang department

Here are some items which made me go "?!" when I went through the dusty Astridica archive recently. (Yes, in between shoots and web designery, I'm still going through bales of drawings and writing I've done from several years ago.)

Why is this dinosaur so woebegone? He's cute, though.

And now: some terrible poetry. I dimly recall having had a conversation with someone about writing the worst poem ever, and I was so inspired (if that's the correct term), I actually dared myself to have a go.

My Humble Demise, or Digestible Requiem (written 2001 or thereabouts)

I would like to be
Buried in an urn
To be inconveniently
Left on your coffee table

In the event that
I should spill, well,
Let the dog good-naturedly
Lick my remains

Then barf me up
On your prized petunias
For you to discover
When you're back from the supermarket

Who is the "you" in this poem? Why would I ever want to suffer such a fate, and inflict injury upon a poor, well-meaning dog? And for that matter, what do I have against this person's prized petunias? I LIKE petunias! All very peculiar.

I hereby dare you, dear reader, to post some terrible poetry of your own in the comments section; all I ask is that it had better be short (20 lines or fewer), at the very least. This could be spectacularly bad, and I mean that in the best possible way. Or spectacularly boring, if no one has the nerve to post anything.


  1. I like your Woebegoneasaur. He's delightfully melancholy.

    No, I don't see that as an oxymoron, get off my back! *runs away*

  2. Er, is 'delightfully melancholy' an oxymoron? *runs with you*

  3. roses are sometimes red
    and sometimes they
    emit a hue of purple
    this poem is bad enough
    to almost make you burple

  4. A Caltholick Limerick

    There once was a pope from Rome
    Who had a hat shaped like a dome
    His golf cart was glass
    He was so high class
    That up and away he was blown

  5. @ anonymous: I could've sworn Louis Sachar used "burp'll" in a similar context, have you been reading any of the Wayside School books lately?

  6. @ Celes: I'm sorry, but your poem is so sensible and socially incisive that it can't possibly count as a bad poem. Worse luck next time!

  7. Here's one from the highschool days:

    ..he said
    "Is for two sobbing fools!!"
    And we merrily laughed our separate ways As my heart, ran
    The s

    into the gutter..

  8. @ troyworks: I'm sorry, that's too much fun and e. e. cummings-like to qualify as bad poetry. Good try, though!